"Musical diplomatic immunity" needs to become a reality

While sitting around listening to the radio and such Keane's "Is It Any Wonder" came on and I said out loud to myself, "There is no way I'm listening to this" and swiftly changed the radio station. It wasn't even like a conscious decision, it was completely reactionary. You know like when the doctor hits your knee with that mallet.

mike001100: I can't stop listening to Frou Frou, does that make me a 35 year old single woman?
Sapphire Pal: no
Sapphire Pal: I love that band they some amazing songs
Sapphire Pal: might make you german
Sapphire Pal: I cant stop listening to new order here to stay
Sapphire Pal: does that make me gay?
mike001100: No. New Order is great!
mike001100: The penned True Faith.
mike001100: True Faith!
Sapphire Pal: haha
Sapphire Pal: but here to stay is a very gay song
Sapphire Pal: I mean its almost like pet shop boys
mike001100: Not as gay as anything The Pet Shop Boys have ever done.
Sapphire Pal: lyricly
Sapphire Pal: he talking about some boy folowing him
Sapphire Pal: and the synth parts are very discotequ
mike001100: Whatever. They might as well have some kind of musical diplomatic immunity in my book.
mike001100: They could execute people on stage and it wouldn't matter.
Sapphire Pal: HAHAHHAHA
Sapphire Pal: nice


Okay so Musical Diplomatic Immunity (which will henceforth be known as MDI on this site) is a great idea. But who should get it? Here's some of my picks and why.

-Michael Jackson - to seal from Dave Chappelle, he made Thriller. Thriller! If it weren't for Off The Wall Justin Timberlake would be making my buffalo chicken sub at Subway tonight. And if you're within my age/generation (I'm twenty-four) you LOVED "Bad" and "Smooth Criminal." Don't even try to deny it, everyone will know you're lying. But the biggest reason? He needs this immunity the most. Plus he owned a monkey named Bubbles...

-New Order - Okay so there was this band. They were amazingly, mind blowingly great; influential to a fault. Then the singer killed himself. Fuck. What do the remaining members of that band do? They get together and form one of the best bands of the 80s. Just for being able to pick up the pieces after their good friend and front man took his own life they deserve the immunity. I always bring up "True Faith" as the reason they're untouchable (which is apparently the subject of a dance sequence in the upcoming movie Marie Antoinette I'm told) but all in all that's not the one, you know. So let's go ahead and talk about the one of theirs. It's the best selling twelve inch single of all time. Despite your view on them, that's impressive. Then they were bold enough to remake it in 1988 and it didn't lose any of it's original appeal. Even a subpar band like Orgy can cover it and the song itself raises the talent level of the band. Come on! "Blue Monday!"

-Paul Simon - There are probably more arguments for him than I can even think. I give it to him because of the album Graceland. Easily one of the best albums of the 80s with a single that EVERYONE loves in "You Can Call Me Al." With it's mix of cajun and african influences this album remains interesting even if you've heard it more times than the average student at a liberal arts college hears Dave Matthews on any given day. If you need more proof look for his performance of "Diamonds On The Soles Of Her Shoes" on Saturday Night Live. This is right up there with The Churchills on Spin City, Chappelle doing "The Reflex," and Marvin Gaye doing the national anthem at the NBA all-star game in '83 as one of the my favorite TV music moments.

-Frank Sinatra - It's Frank Sinatra! Plus if I didn't give it to him some guy from Jersey would probably break my legs. Plus "Fly Me To The Moon" is one of the greatest scotch drinking songs ever along with "No More Sorry" by My Bloody Valentine. This is a voice that will never die.

-Dean Martin - It's Dean Martin! You gotta love Dino! Plus if I didn't give it to him Frank Sinatra would probably break my legs. This is a voice that will never die.

-Prince - Anyone who knows me saw this coming and knows my arguement already. Purple Rain. One of the greatest albums of the 80s and probably the best music movie of all time. Looking back at it the album was pretty ridiculous. How do you have that many amazing songs on one album?!?! I mean seriously! It's absurd! For instance: "Computer Blue" followed by "Darling Nikki" followed by "When Doves Cry." What?!?! All in a row! Prince I love you.

-Chuck Berry - He's the true king of rock and roll. That's all that really needs to be said. Plus he needs the immunity too.
(For the record Berry takes Elvis' MDI spot)

-Madonna - Is anyone more adaptable in music? Where would pop music be without her? For that matter where would female fronted pop be without her? MDI law allows Madonna to claim any woman who hit number one after 1985 as her personal assistant/servant/maid. I was getting ready to name the songs that made her deserving but I realized that would take far too long and I'd still probably leave one out. She along with Michael Jackson are obviously, unarguably first ballot picks for MDI. Her doing "Like A Virgin" at the VMA's in 1984 is also one of the greatest music TV moments of all time.

-Tupac Shakur - He actually doesn't get the immunity since he's dead. Yes he's dead. But if he were alive he would definitely get it and would definitely need it. The best rapper of all time? Yeah, probably. If more rap today had a message and a sound like "Changes" popular culture as a whole would benefit. "Hail Mary," "Brenda's Got A Baby," "To Live And Die In L.A.," "Dear Mamma" - by the time I'm fifty (if not before or even now) all these tracks will be considered untouchable classics. Hm, just in case he is alive we'll go ahead and give it to him. =)

-Morrissey - First off it's Morrissey so he probably wouldn't even accept the MDI. Second off, it's fucking Morrissey! I'd be willing to bet that Morrissey is your favorite alt-rock/alt-pop singer's favorite singer. He's like the Ras Kass of modern pop rock. Since The Smiths are not together when Morrissey declines the MDI due to some ridiculously pretentious sexual or political reason I'll give it to Johnny Marr, if nothing else for the music to "How Soon Is Now." Speaking of which I still can't believe that "How Soon Is Now" was originally slated to be a B-side to "William It Was Really Nothing." Not to say that "William It Was Really Nothing" is a bad song (it's great!) it's just amazing that Marr and Morrissey were so amazingly ready for battle at the time that "How Soon Is Now" was like a throw away track. Completely ridiculous!

I was thinking of giving it to Ozzy Osborne but his show is just unforgivable. If Randy Rhodes were still alive he'd be deserving for sure. Dr. Dre almost made the list, but I cannot in good mental health give it to him until "Detox" comes out, which may be never.
I didn't put any underground artists on the list. They should have their own lesser MDI. UMDI if you will. The U being "underground." You can use IMDI if you like with the I being "indie." Quickly, off the top of my head this would go to the Leo brothers (Ted and Chris), Ian Mackaye, Mark Bianchi, Crass, The Specials, My Bloody Valentine (if only for "Loveless"), Justin Pearson, The Get Up Kids, Varg Vikernes/Burzum (he definitely needs it!) and Sam Rosenthal.

Sapphire Pal: ]I bet you gave morris day and the time MDI
mike001100: No. I love them but they aren't deserving.