The Music Jerk

Monday, July 31, 2006

"Now there is one less tongue that will bend to say your name"

Sorry about the no posting, kinda lazy.
On the brightside I have pages upon pages to post up here! Let's see how much we can get through.

A few weeks back I called for Mike Shinoda's head. Do you think I was joking around? Come on, get on it!

Sapphire Pal: you need to do a worst band/songs post on music jerk
Sapphire Pal: yellow card "ocean ave"
(Spelling errors omitted. Heh.)
Sure, I'll give Yellow Card a worst band nod.

Have you ever watched music videos on mute? It really shows how ridiculous they are and every now and then you'll come across one that truly shows that videos, in general, are terrible for music. The video of "Promiscuous" is definitely one of these videos. And what the hell is Justin Timberlake doing in the video at the end. Actually, his apperance in the video makes me laugh every time.
Speaking of Timberlake his new single is pretty good. I was a big fan of his first album (it just sounds like an updated version of Michael Jackson's "Off The Wall") and can't wait to hear this new one.

If you can't relate to the lyrics in "Lachrymose Obsequious Vehement Elated (L.O.V.E.)" by Park Ave. (this band is the ONLY time I can stand Conor Oberst) then you're some kind of heartless automaton.

Okay, okay not all videos are bad. For instance, Hype Williams is a God-damned genius! His videos are always so colorful and so pleasing to the eye. His newest one, "Number One" by Pharrell (Kanye is on the track as well), may be his best. This video is what the movie remake of Miami Vice would look like in a perfect world. Hell in a perfect world all of Aimee Mann's albums would sound like "I'm With Stupid" and not like bland medicore pop/rock.
Anyway "Number One" is a great song without the video. I'd love to take a peak at Pharrell's music collection, I don't know if I can even guess what would be there. He's a great muscian, plus he's executive producing the live action movie version of Voltron. Obviously he's doing the music too and he's quoted as saying the the soundtrack will sound nothing like anything anyone's ever heard. Sweet.
Oh and the best arugement about Hype Williams? He goes by the name Hype. Wow.

Joan Of Arc's "Live In Chicago, 1999" (not a live album, it's pronounced "live" as in, I live in the state of Maryland) is top five material when speaking of best indie rock albums. "Frame And Canvas" by Braid and "Departures And Landfalls" by Boys Life would definitely be two of my other picks. And if you're counting discographies how about another Tim Kinsella band? Cap'n Jazz's "
Analphabetapolothology."

If you're in need of a nice little pop/rock album to drive to or to get ready for the weekend to I highly recommend the new All-American Rejects album "Move Along." While it boasts arguably the worst song of the year in "Straightjacket Feeling," it's filled with memorable hooks and easily singable choruses. I find myself actually straying away from the singles "Dirty Little Secret" and "Move Along" and going to the real gems on the album, "Stab My Back," "Change Your Mind," and "Top Of The World." You'll love the last song if you know a lot of rich kids or grew up in a well-to-do community. Again the best way to describe this album is that it is absolutely perfect for driving to a party or getting ready for a big weekend.

So I might get a lot of shit for this one but I really like the new singles from both Paris Hilton ("Stars Are Blind") and Jessica Simpson ("Public Affair"). The Paris single sounds like a No Doubt song and Simpon's song sounds like a Janet Jackson single from the 90s. Quality pop. I'd much rather hear these than anything Shinoda has his hand in or hearing "Ridin' Dirty" for the four hundred seventy-fifth time in an hour.

Okay, so this single "So What" by Field Mob (Ciara contributes vocals to the track as well) has a great catchy hook but everytime I hear it I'm reminded of a Crass song by the same name and I end up singing that in my head. Weird. Ciara to Crass...

"Firestorm" by Earth Crisis is to hardcore what "Freebird" is to southern rock.

So the amazing radio station around here Jack FM played "The Metro" by Berlin the other day. I COMPLETELY flipped out. Good song. I highly suggest finding the album, "Pleasure Victim," it's full of wonderful new wave hooks. Plus Terri Nunn is credited with "Vocals, BJs" in the album and that's kinda funny.

A post or two back I was talking about theme songs and I completely forgot to mention "I'm Afraid Of Everything" by Braid. I should have mentioned it. This is top five material.

I was listening to the Mortiis album "The Smell Of Rain" the other day, which turned out to be a good thing as I had completely forgotten how great this album is. If you don't know, Mortiis is/was a big black metal guy - then this album came out. He claims he was listening to a lot of Nine Inch Nails while making this album and it shows. To me, it sounds like a much more poppy and interesting version of something Reznor would put out. If you're a fan of new wave, darkwave, black metal, synth pop or just keys and drum machines in general I suggest picking this up. Selected tracks: "You Put A Hex On Me" and "Smell The Witch" which sounds like a track you'd hear at your senior prom if everyone in your high school had something to do with Projekt Records. Actually with "Smell The Wtich" I swear at certain parts I can sing New Order's "Blue Monday" and it totally fits! And the album even boasts a great ballad in "Everyone Leaves."

So I think I'm ready to say that I like New Order much more than Joy Division. I'm sure someone will have a fit about that. I mean they penned "True Faith." "True Faith." Plus much like the Less Than Jake song, all my friends are metal heads and I keep threatening to sing "Blue Monday" because they're always obnoxiously doing the beginning of Slayer's "Reign In Blood" to my complete chagrin.

The Music Jerk's embarrassing admission of the day: Speaking of The Dave Matthews Band, I am a fan of everything including and before the album "Before These Crowded Streets."
=(

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

A quick conversation with a fellow jerk.

mike001100: Have you heard the new Pharrell single with Kanye? It's crazy good!
Sapphire Pal: yes I have
Sapphire Pal: yeah its god
Sapphire Pal: good
Sapphire Pal: though rap has been lil john and snap dance for a couple months
Sapphire Pal: I swear if I ever meet e40 I am goign to hit him in the mouth
mike001100: Take a picture when you do and frame that bitch!

Sunday, July 23, 2006

The Reflex

It's been a long weekend so this is going to be a short one.

So a week ago tonight Chappelle's Show (the second episode of The Lost Episodes) had Chappelle playing his generic white guy (something he surely has copywrited) singing Duran Duran's "The Reflex" while doing the twist. This joins those musical moments in television that can't get out of my dumb head. Some of my favorites: The Churchhills on Spin City doing "Everybody Get's What They Deserve," Wyclef on Chappelle doing "If I Were President," Blink 182's very funny, yet underplayed video for "Josie" and the Sports Night episode entitled "Eli's Coming." Come on, it's named after a Three Dog Night song! And when the song kicks in...oh man!
Motorhead on The Young Ones should be included too. And I guess it would be wrong not to include Ashlee Simpson on SNL. Heh.

So I have a good friend who's a Celtics fan and I'm a Laker fan. I'm sure you can already see the problem. I still have a problem with Boston fans. Hell, I never got used to Rick Fox being a Laker. Anyway I was thinking, what's the musical equal of this? I'm not even sure. The only things I can come up with are like Who fans versus Zepplin fans back in the day. Maybe Stones versus Beatles fans after "Let It Bleed" came out? I have no idea. I'm thinking these don't even come close. Anyone have an idea
Duff and Lohan fans aren't old or angry enough to care that much.

Okay so honestly, I just wanted to get this post out before the new episode of Chappelle's Show came on. Don't ask me why.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

dada, "Cave Formations," and Lizzie McGuire

Praise be to Jah, the Music Jerk is back with another post! (I've been listening to a lot of dub lately. You know King Tubby, King Jammy, ect. Maybe that explains the use of "Jah." Maybe...)

Finding myself watching MTV I saw a video for a song called "Paralyzed" by Rock Kills Kid. After hearing it I was sure they'd be as big as Bloc Party with the same kind of fans. Although if they're on MTV, I'd imagine that they already are that big. Anyway, good song, go look.

Okay, so Panic! At The Disco. Seriously is there any band on top 40 radio right now that has a more infectious hook?! This isn't a joke or anything, I'm serious. That God forsaken song "I Write Sins Not Tradgedies" is sooooo ridiculous. It won't get out of your head! Maybe it's because he says the line "I chimed in with haven't you people ever heard of closing the God damned door?" like three hundred fourty-seven times in two and a half minutes. Anyway, infectious doesn't always equal good but it might this time. Plus their other single has a great little dance-y keyboard breakdown and it's nice to hear that again on top 40 radio. And if you don't agree with that, you're an idiot who needs to go buy a Duran Duran album (preferrably "Rio") that or you're from the south.

So does Yung Joc have an invisible motor cycle? Is that what that dance is?

After listening to a few dada sound poems the other day I came to the conclusion that they are the musical equal to a roller coaster. Well maybe first I should explain what they are. A bunch of dada artists from way back in the day (as early as 1930) recorded these so called sound poems. They're basically just gibberish and odd vocal sounds - they were attempting to break down language. Anyway, they're worth searching out (Sub Rosa Records) or downloading just for the artistic and historical merit alone even if you don't like them. To understand the roller coaster comparaison I suggest "Olseautal" by Raoul Hausmann. The best (and possibly my theme song) is "Ursonate" by Kurt Schwitters.

Speaking of theme songs, if mine isn't "Ursonate" it is DEFINITELY "Cave Formations" by Quintron (although his wife, Miss Pussycat, does all the vocals on this track.) This is a glorious song. First off, at times lyrically it's absurd, focusing (sort of) on stalagmites, spulunking (look at me butcher that word!) and caves. But it branches off into seemingly disjointed things, at least to me. And although her voice is damn near perfect on the track, it's not the vocals that make it. The music is very minimal using only a single drum beat, a hand clap and a sprinkling of keyboard when needed and during the hook. Quintron has the ablility to put out some pure crap however he can make some gems too. This is definitely the brightest of all of them. "54 degrees, double time."

Okay, so one more time with theme songs. I introduced my pale potato-eating brother, Irish, to a little known song called "Flamboyant" by the Pet Shop Boys. Wanting a copy of "West End Girls" on disc late last year/early this year I bought a two disc best of type dealie by the band called "Pop Art." It's excatly like you would expect it to be given the Pet Shop Boys' reputation and sound, it was music to have a gay dance party to. The highlights on the disc were obviously "West End Girls" and this song that I had never heard called "Flamboyant," which instantly became my favorite 80s song. Hell the first time I heard it I couldn't help myself and I ended up listening to it like seven times in a row at least. Anyway, Irish flipped for it as I did and decided that it was his theme song. We both were truly dissapointed (after writing "truly dissapointed" I had Morrissey in my head singing me that phrase) that this song wasn't a hit or at least a little bigger back in the day. After doing some research we found out that the song was released in 2003 for that best of type disc. Whoa. We flipped. We became even more angry that such an amazing song is relegated to complete obscurity. Not many people are going to buy a two-disc best of import by the Pet Shop Boys. Some of the best lyrics in the last couple of years and musically it has a small bit of a darkwave feel to it (much like "West End Girls" but a bit more) with dance sensabilities and vocals that can be haunting but fit wonderfully. This is the song you want to listen to at night, in a big city, in your car, rolling to the club. This is a MUST download.

So I really like The Locust, I mean really really. Many people say everything they do sounds the same. First off, if you believe that you need to realize that your ears suck. That or you're just not listening. That needed to be said. Not talking about the combined geniuses of the members of the band and their other current and past projects, they have really covered the entire spectrum of "extreme" music. They're the only band I know of that did a cover of an old, loved power-violence band (Crossed Out) and a Queen cover. Anyway, to get past the muck of music, rumor, "scene" horseshit and merchandise that follow The Locust, I suggest these songs for a good mix of everything they can sound like: "Head Hits Concrete," "Ass Gravity," "Anything Jesus Does I Can Do Better," "Sever The Toes" and "We'll I'll Be A Monkey's Uncle"
Also I suggest their album "Safety Second, Body Last." It's only two tracks but they set the music up in movements, so there's more than two "songs" you could say. It's only like ten minutes long, but the way they create space between the actual songs is masterfully done. It's probably the most innovative, creative and interesting "extreme" music that's been put out.
Oh and I have to say it, Joey Karam is an astounding keyboardist.

So the other day I said that Fred Schneider (the lead singer of The B-52's) should be the lead singer for EVERY band EVER. Could you imagine how funny this would be?!?! Oh my God! Pick a song, any song! It's hilarious. Think of him singing something like "Don't Fear The Reaper" Good lord, I'd die from laughter! The theme from Titanic. "Candy Shop" by 50 Cent. "Genie In A Bottle" by Filthy McChristina. This is a great idea. VH1 needs to make a show where it's just Fred singing songs that fans pick via online votes. There is NO WAY I'd ever miss an episode of that.

I'm going to assume that everyone knows what "The Grey Album" is. But how many people know about Q-Unit? It's this guy or group that's named The Silence Xperiment. What it is is a mix of 50 Cent's greatest hits with Queen's greatest hits. Yeah...
It's head and shoulders better than "The Grey Album." "Wanksta" mixed with "Bohemian Rhapsody?" That's fucking genius. Go get it, or at least look at the photoshoped picture of 50 Cent with a Freddy Mercury mustashe: http://www.q-unit.net/
It seems like it's FINALLY getting some play, which is very very well deserved. The Music Jerk and his boys have been partying to this album for quite a very long time now...

So apparently Greg Graffin (the lead singer of Bad Religion) is going to put out another solo album. This is surprising to me and I am almost completely sure that I am the only person in the world to purchase his first one...
It's not that the first one was bad, it's just that it was complete adult contemporary pop/rock, which is a huge departure from everything he's done with Bad Religion. I hope this album does well and gets some kids to buy the first one, which has a couple good tracks including a cover of Bad Religion's "Cease" done with only a piano and Graffin's vocals, it'll give you chills.

So many people know that the Music Jerk has love for pop music and that he is a fan of all of Hilary Duff's singles. So while flipping channels he decided to watch her show on The Disney Channel. First off she doesn't do the song at the opening credits, does that seem strange to anyone else? But that's not the funniest part, the episode I saw they were at some kind of fake murder mystery party and as she was searching for clues bad pseudo-mid 90s dance music came on with a guy who was trying waaaaaay too hard to sound cool singing, "Ooooooooooooooooh, searching for clues!!" over and over again. I'm being completely serious. It's okay, I wouldn't believe it either.

I was going to say something about an old Tony Yayo freestyle but that just doesn't seem right after talking about Hilary Duff/Lizzie McGuire.

Tarot Borelo is a great great band.