The year in review.

Music is about love. Usually about someone and someone, but sometimes about someone and something.

Given that here's the music jerk's 2006 in review:
My girl thinks our song is "Me & U" by Cassie.
I believe it to be "Number One" by Pharrell featuring Kanye West.

That's it. Year in review.
Wait...
Buy Sting's new album, the one with the lute. If you're into rap cop Game and Nas's new album. Spock rock kids? Grab Holy Molar's new album. Adult contmpo? Buy The Fray album, you know you want to anyway. It's been a bad year for straight-up rock. If that's your jam, buy as much Glass Candy as you can. Even if it's old it's the best you're gonna get in these times.

Mr. Cowell and Nasir Jones - two true gangstas.

So American Idol is back. As always I watch until one of my favorite things on television happens. This is of course when some small headed no-talent questions Simon's knowledge of music. This season it came in the forms of "Opinion's don't mean nuffin'" and "Wat 'chu know 'bout muzic?" This girl's intelligence was mind-bogglingly low.

Song of last month? "Who Killed It?" by Nas. The entire song is rapped in a 1930s/1940s gangster movie voice. You know, like "yeah, see, yeah. You're never gonna catch me coppa!" It weaves a wonderful tale of a P.I. trying to determine who killed hip-hop who, in the story, is a "skirt" that's been around since "slaves were rhyming."
This is a song you have to hear to believe. Great song and his voice will make you chuckle.
"If you really love me, I'll come back alive."

What the hell is going on?

Johnny Marr has joined Modest Mouse for their new album. Yes, that Johnny Marr.
Let's get this straight Johnny. You can join a vastly overrated college rock shit band, a band that reminds you of sandles, lacrosse and everything else terrible that goes on at college campuses. Yet you can't bury the hatchet with one of the top three lyricists in the last 30 years to reform the most important band of the 80s.
I've always sided with Morrissey, but I've always had great respect for Marr. But now? Marr is an idiot. Modest Mouse? Really?!?!

In other "what the hell is going on news" Chris Cornell (lead vox for Soundgarden and Audioslave) has announced that his second solo album will contain a cover of "Billie Jean." Yes, that "Billie Jean." What?!?!

A top 80s songs match between The Jerk and VH1...in a steel cage!!!

So VH1 has been airing this "100 Greatest Songs of the 80s" thing. They let online fans vote on this one instead of their regular mix of artists, writers and personalities. Yes, it went just as bad as you're thinking.
Going into this thing my top five was:
5) Prince "When Doves Cry"
4) Duran Duran "Hungry Like The Wolf"
3) The Police "Every Breath You Take"
2) Michael Jackson "Thriller"
1) Michael Jackson "Billie Jean"

That's a good list right there! Before we go into what VH1 counted down let's get into these songs. "When Doves Cry" was the biggest song from one of the biggest movies of the 80s. It's the only hit song I can think of off the top of my head that doesn't have a bass line. That's fucking absurd. No really, it is. And that keyboard line? Oh my! Everyone knows it. bink bink-bink-bink bink-bink bink-bink. And you know you know excatly what I'm talking about.
The best Duran Duran single, probably not. The most popular? Definitely. "Hungry Like The Wolf" is a sort of new wave "Stairway To Heaven" at this point. Every white person knows it and just about all of them love it. This track gave LeBon and his cohorts international stardom and they used that fame to musically define the 80s. VH1 agreed with me in the placing of this song. Wow!
"Every Breath You Take," much like the last two picks, is one of those songs that you can name off the radio in about half a note - everytime. The Police at this point did what no band had really done since The Beatles, they ruled the world. This track still can give people chills, the track still gets played at weddings. A great 80s heartfelt track. Vh1 put it somewhere around number 40. Yeah.
Best video of all time? Yeah, sure is. Wanna agrue that point? You're an idiot. "Thriller" is one of the best MJ singles of all time, the best Halloween song of all time, the title track off arguably the best pop album of all time and then there's the zombie dance. Ah, the zombie dance! How I love you! Oh and let's not forget Vincent Price in a pop song. Absurd! This wasn't even top 10 for VH1, I can't see that. It's Thriller. Thriller.
I have been known to argue that "Billie Jean" is the greatest pop song of all time. I've also said that MJ's performance of it on Motown's 25th Anniversary special might be the best pop performance of all time. For those of you who don't know he debuted a little number called the moonwalk during the act. If you don't know every word to this song you obviously have never listened to music. Honestly I don't really know what to say about this song, listen to it, it's greatness really does speak for itself.

VH1's top 5 are as follows:
5) Prince "When Doves Cry"
4) Michael Jackson "Billie Jean"
3) Duran Duran "Hungry Like The Wolf"
2) Def Leppard "Pour Some Sugar On Me"
1) Bon Jovi "Livin' On A Prayer

Okay, obviously I don't have a huge problem with their picks for 5 and 3 so let's just start at 4. When I heard about this show I said that I'd be quite angry if "Billie Jean" wasn't in the top 2, thinking that the only person who would be able to beat out MJ is himself with "Thriller." Apparently I was wrong as a bad drummer with one arm and a group of New Jersey trashbags one upped the obvious King Of Pop. Number 2? Well apparently in the fan voting there were lots of strippers casting their ballots as this song is nothing more than a strip club novelty and everyone knows it. Bon Jovi? Alright, I kinda give you this one. It was an overwhelmingly HUGE song. Every white person born since this song has come out knows the words to the chorus by the time they're two years old. You can't deny that this track defines 80s pop-rock yet beating out MJ, Duran and hell even Prince's tracks is a little much. I can see giving this a ranking somewhere around 7.


If you're into doom or shoegazer pop or into the bands My Bloody Valentine or Mazzy Star pick up the new Sunn0))) and Boris collaboration disc called "Altar" (it'll be in your local record store's metal section, don't let that disuade you) you will be pleased. Download the track "The Sinking Belle (Blue Sheep)" for a nice little taste.

The Music Jerk's 2006 Christmas mixtape track listing coming soon.

A Heap of Timberlake

So I really like Imogen Heap. Does that make me a 36 year old single woman?
Yeah, probably.

The vidoe to Justin Timberlake's "My Love" doesn't have a turkey in it. This is quite disappointing since it sounds like there's a turkey in the background of the hook.
Gobble, gobble!

Speaking of JT, it's a shame a lower lord of the douchebags, Fred Durst, and his band already ruined the idea becuase I'd love to hear JT cover George Michael's "Faith."

Halloween!

The offical Music Jerk Halloween mixtape for 2007!
Side Spooky
1)Black Tape For A Blue Girl "Knock Three Times"
2)Deadsy "Paint It Black"
3)Tarot Bolero "When My Love Turned Blue"
4)Page 99 "The Lonesome Waltz Of Leonard Cohen"
5)Subpoena The Past "Ripe Trial"
6)Love Life "In Memory Of Me"
7)The Locust "#99"
8)The Jaks "Damn Bloodsucker"
9)The Festival Of Dead Deer "In Fifty Words Or Less"
10)Lee Perry "Lee Perry Upsetting Dub"
11)Song Of Zarathustra "Black & Blue Award"
12)Ladytron "Soft Power"
13)Love Lost But Not Forgotten "Intro" (from their self-titled disc)
14)The Blue Meanies "Sucker"

Side Boo!
1)Dead Kennedys "Halloween"
2)Ladytron "Last One Standing (Shipps & Tait Mix)"
3)Mephiskapheles "Satanic Debris"
4)Racebannon "Satan's Kickin' Yr Dick In, Act V"
5)Antioch Arrow "Too Bad You're Gonna Die"
6)Dr. Dre "Murder Ink"
7)Black Tape For A Blue Girl "The Lie Which Refuses to Die"
8)Fast Forward "In The Toilet"
9)Pedro The Lion "A Mind Of Her Own"
10)Page 99 "Mary Get Your Knife"
11)The Toasters "Spooky Graveyard"
12)The VSS "I Cut My Teeth"
13)Usurp Synapse "Untitled" (their last song on their split with Jerome's Dream)

You'll need a 90 minute tape for this mix. Can't find one? Go to your local dollar store, find where they keep their cassettes. Root through the box of 60 minute tapes until you find a few 90 minute ones. Trust me on this, it's the same for every dollar store around the country.

"But Jerk, why a mixtape instead of a burned CD?"
Because burned CDs are impersonal and no fun. To make a mixtape you have to sit there and listen to every song as you're creating it, making it much more personal in my opinion. With a CD you just drag and drop to make a list - no fun! It takes like 10 minutes to make a CD it takes at least the length of the tape to make a mixtape. You put time in it, you listen to every song, it makes it quite personal.

Hype-Hop

I'm coining a new musical term: Hype-Hop. This is a female fronted form of hip-hop that sounds like it should be played at a sports event, preferrably a high school game.
Two genre defining songs:
"Keep It Up" -Fannypack
"Hollaback Girl" -Gwen Stefani

This is the kinda jams you get down to in order to bring yourself to a crazed level of party-ness before Friday night pops off.

Young Girl

I'm two-thirds into Pharrell's new album "In My Mind."
I think it might be the future of pop music...
My proof? Download track nine on the "Young Girl\I Really Like You." Jay-Z is on the track too. Track eight "Angel" works just as well, plus it's kinda funny.