The Music Jerk

The year in review.

2007-01-27T23:34:00.001-05:00

Music is about love. Usually about someone and someone, but sometimes about someone and something.

Given that here's the music jerk's 2006 in review:
My girl thinks our song is "Me & U" by Cassie.
I believe it to be "Number One" by Pharrell featuring Kanye West.

That's it. Year in review.
Wait...
Buy Sting's new album, the one with the lute. If you're into rap cop Game and Nas's new album. Spock rock kids? Grab Holy Molar's new album. Adult contmpo? Buy The Fray album, you know you want to anyway. It's been a bad year for straight-up rock. If that's your jam, buy as much Glass Candy as you can. Even if it's old it's the best you're gonna get in these times.

Mr. Cowell and Nasir Jones - two true gangstas.

2007-01-17T20:09:00.001-05:00

So American Idol is back. As always I watch until one of my favorite things on television happens. This is of course when some small headed no-talent questions Simon's knowledge of music. This season it came in the forms of "Opinion's don't mean nuffin'" and "Wat 'chu know 'bout muzic?" This girl's intelligence was mind-bogglingly low.

Song of last month? "Who Killed It?" by Nas. The entire song is rapped in a 1930s/1940s gangster movie voice. You know, like "yeah, see, yeah. You're never gonna catch me coppa!" It weaves a wonderful tale of a P.I. trying to determine who killed hip-hop who, in the story, is a "skirt" that's been around since "slaves were rhyming."
This is a song you have to hear to believe. Great song and his voice will make you chuckle.
"If you really love me, I'll come back alive."

What the hell is going on?

2007-01-17T20:09:00.000-05:00

Johnny Marr has joined Modest Mouse for their new album. Yes, that Johnny Marr.
Let's get this straight Johnny. You can join a vastly overrated college rock shit band, a band that reminds you of sandles, lacrosse and everything else terrible that goes on at college campuses. Yet you can't bury the hatchet with one of the top three lyricists in the last 30 years to reform the most important band of the 80s.
I've always sided with Morrissey, but I've always had great respect for Marr. But now? Marr is an idiot. Modest Mouse? Really?!?!

In other "what the hell is going on news" Chris Cornell (lead vox for Soundgarden and Audioslave) has announced that his second solo album will contain a cover of "Billie Jean." Yes, that "Billie Jean." What?!?!

A top 80s songs match between The Jerk and VH1...in a steel cage!!!

2006-11-09T14:55:00.000-05:00

So VH1 has been airing this "100 Greatest Songs of the 80s" thing. They let online fans vote on this one instead of their regular mix of artists, writers and personalities. Yes, it went just as bad as you're thinking.
Going into this thing my top five was:
5) Prince "When Doves Cry"
4) Duran Duran "Hungry Like The Wolf"
3) The Police "Every Breath You Take"
2) Michael Jackson "Thriller"
1) Michael Jackson "Billie Jean"

That's a good list right there! Before we go into what VH1 counted down let's get into these songs. "When Doves Cry" was the biggest song from one of the biggest movies of the 80s. It's the only hit song I can think of off the top of my head that doesn't have a bass line. That's fucking absurd. No really, it is. And that keyboard line? Oh my! Everyone knows it. bink bink-bink-bink bink-bink bink-bink. And you know you know excatly what I'm talking about.
The best Duran Duran single, probably not. The most popular? Definitely. "Hungry Like The Wolf" is a sort of new wave "Stairway To Heaven" at this point. Every white person knows it and just about all of them love it. This track gave LeBon and his cohorts international stardom and they used that fame to musically define the 80s. VH1 agreed with me in the placing of this song. Wow!
"Every Breath You Take," much like the last two picks, is one of those songs that you can name off the radio in about half a note - everytime. The Police at this point did what no band had really done since The Beatles, they ruled the world. This track still can give people chills, the track still gets played at weddings. A great 80s heartfelt track. Vh1 put it somewhere around number 40. Yeah.
Best video of all time? Yeah, sure is. Wanna agrue that point? You're an idiot. "Thriller" is one of the best MJ singles of all time, the best Halloween song of all time, the title track off arguably the best pop album of all time and then there's the zombie dance. Ah, the zombie dance! How I love you! Oh and let's not forget Vincent Price in a pop song. Absurd! This wasn't even top 10 for VH1, I can't see that. It's Thriller. Thriller.
I have been known to argue that "Billie Jean" is the greatest pop song of all time. I've also said that MJ's performance of it on Motown's 25th Anniversary special might be the best pop performance of all time. For those of you who don't know he debuted a little number called the moonwalk during the act. If you don't know every word to this song you obviously have never listened to music. Honestly I don't really know what to say about this song, listen to it, it's greatness really does speak for itself.

VH1's top 5 are as follows:
5) Prince "When Doves Cry"
4) Michael Jackson "Billie Jean"
3) Duran Duran "Hungry Like The Wolf"
2) Def Leppard "Pour Some Sugar On Me"
1) Bon Jovi "Livin' On A Prayer

Okay, obviously I don't have a huge problem with their picks for 5 and 3 so let's just start at 4. When I heard about this show I said that I'd be quite angry if "Billie Jean" wasn't in the top 2, thinking that the only person who would be able to beat out MJ is himself with "Thriller." Apparently I was wrong as a bad drummer with one arm and a group of New Jersey trashbags one upped the obvious King Of Pop. Number 2? Well apparently in the fan voting there were lots of strippers casting their ballots as this song is nothing more than a strip club novelty and everyone knows it. Bon Jovi? Alright, I kinda give you this one. It was an overwhelmingly HUGE song. Every white person born since this song has come out knows the words to the chorus by the time they're two years old. You can't deny that this track defines 80s pop-rock yet beating out MJ, Duran and hell even Prince's tracks is a little much. I can see giving this a ranking somewhere around 7.

If you're into doom or shoegazer pop or into the bands My Bloody Valentine or Mazzy Star pick up the new Sunn0))) and Boris collaboration disc called "Altar" (it'll be in your local record store's metal section, don't let that disuade you) you will be pleased. Download the track "The Sinking Belle (Blue Sheep)" for a nice little taste.

The Music Jerk's 2006 Christmas mixtape track listing coming soon.

A Heap of Timberlake

2006-11-02T10:18:00.000-05:00

So I really like Imogen Heap. Does that make me a 36 year old single woman?
Yeah, probably.

The vidoe to Justin Timberlake's "My Love" doesn't have a turkey in it. This is quite disappointing since it sounds like there's a turkey in the background of the hook.
Gobble, gobble!

Speaking of JT, it's a shame a lower lord of the douchebags, Fred Durst, and his band already ruined the idea becuase I'd love to hear JT cover George Michael's "Faith."

Halloween!

2006-10-28T17:26:00.000-04:00

The offical Music Jerk Halloween mixtape for 2007!
Side Spooky
1)Black Tape For A Blue Girl "Knock Three Times"
2)Deadsy "Paint It Black"
3)Tarot Bolero "When My Love Turned Blue"
4)Page 99 "The Lonesome Waltz Of Leonard Cohen"
5)Subpoena The Past "Ripe Trial"
6)Love Life "In Memory Of Me"
7)The Locust "#99"
8)The Jaks "Damn Bloodsucker"
9)The Festival Of Dead Deer "In Fifty Words Or Less"
10)Lee Perry "Lee Perry Upsetting Dub"
11)Song Of Zarathustra "Black & Blue Award"
12)Ladytron "Soft Power"
13)Love Lost But Not Forgotten "Intro" (from their self-titled disc)
14)The Blue Meanies "Sucker"

Side Boo!
1)Dead Kennedys "Halloween"
2)Ladytron "Last One Standing (Shipps & Tait Mix)"
3)Mephiskapheles "Satanic Debris"
4)Racebannon "Satan's Kickin' Yr Dick In, Act V"
5)Antioch Arrow "Too Bad You're Gonna Die"
6)Dr. Dre "Murder Ink"
7)Black Tape For A Blue Girl "The Lie Which Refuses to Die"
8)Fast Forward "In The Toilet"
9)Pedro The Lion "A Mind Of Her Own"
10)Page 99 "Mary Get Your Knife"
11)The Toasters "Spooky Graveyard"
12)The VSS "I Cut My Teeth"
13)Usurp Synapse "Untitled" (their last song on their split with Jerome's Dream)

You'll need a 90 minute tape for this mix. Can't find one? Go to your local dollar store, find where they keep their cassettes. Root through the box of 60 minute tapes until you find a few 90 minute ones. Trust me on this, it's the same for every dollar store around the country.

"But Jerk, why a mixtape instead of a burned CD?"
Because burned CDs are impersonal and no fun. To make a mixtape you have to sit there and listen to every song as you're creating it, making it much more personal in my opinion. With a CD you just drag and drop to make a list - no fun! It takes like 10 minutes to make a CD it takes at least the length of the tape to make a mixtape. You put time in it, you listen to every song, it makes it quite personal.

Hype-Hop

2006-10-20T14:52:00.000-04:00

I'm coining a new musical term: Hype-Hop. This is a female fronted form of hip-hop that sounds like it should be played at a sports event, preferrably a high school game.
Two genre defining songs:
"Keep It Up" -Fannypack
"Hollaback Girl" -Gwen Stefani

This is the kinda jams you get down to in order to bring yourself to a crazed level of party-ness before Friday night pops off.

Young Girl

2006-10-08T17:35:00.000-04:00

I'm two-thirds into Pharrell's new album "In My Mind."
I think it might be the future of pop music...
My proof? Download track nine on the "Young Girl\I Really Like You." Jay-Z is on the track too. Track eight "Angel" works just as well, plus it's kinda funny.

And if you wanna find Hell with me...

2006-10-07T14:09:00.000-04:00

I would kill my three best friends to hear Morrissey cover Danzig's "Mother."
This would be absurdly amazing...

Goodwill Industries

2006-10-05T20:07:00.000-04:00

First off I have a new phone (her name is Ariana Advinteous) and I am currently writing this post from her. This means lots of on the fly posts, no links some of the time and more spelling errors. Hooray!

The only reason to still have a cassette player is Goodwill. Tapes are only seventy-five cents! And everytime you're in there your bound to find at least one good album. Last time I was in there I bought the Pretty In Pink soundtrack and the Genesis album "Invisible Touch." Am I happy about this? Hell yeah!
More on the Gensis song Invisible Touch next time. Just trust me on this one...

Damn you Jenna Elfman! Oh what am I saying? I love you!!!

2006-09-28T22:33:00.000-04:00

If you're somehow upset over the lack of posts lately you can blame this.

I went to the Family Values Tour. First off Torrid is making a killing off of those kids. I only saw one band, Deadsy, which was my original intention of going. They played a great set even though their bassist was out of commission with a broken finger and the singer had to play it instead. We found out they're embarking on a club tour soon. Very very good news. Oh and they ended with their Rush cover. Brilliant!

Within the the theme of the current season, The Spirit Of Autumn, I've declared this Smiths Week and I have been listening to nothing but The Smiths. This may explain my lethargic mood and not really wanting to update this right now. Maybe not. I know this is going to be a bad post. =(

I bought the new Justin Timberlake album. It's great. Timberland shows once again he's a genius producer. The newest single, "My Love", is a wonderous track and might be the neatest beat around right now. The best song however might be the "Cry Me A River" clone entitled "What Goes Around..." He has a tendency in a few tracks on the album to have these nice little outros so to speak in some of the songs where it's just like a remix of the song. "What Goes Around..." does this and makes you wish he just had two verisons of it on the track. Anyway that track is a great chill song and will be a hit if he releases it as a single. Look out for the last track, "(Another Song) All Over Again", a Rick Rubin produced track that sounds like The Roots doing 70s love makin' music.

Has anyone else heard that Elton John is making or has made a sequel to his awesomely awesome album "Captain Fantastic And The Brown Dirt Cowboy"? Weird.

Things I've bought since the last post and therefore may talk about soon:
-The new Morrissey album
-Daughters "Canada Songs" (these guys are just The Locust lite. Speaking of Daughters, stay far far away from their new album. Just trust me on this one. Please.)
-two Talk Talk albums, "Spirit Of Eden" and "It's My Life" (not liking Talk Talk is an unforgivable character flaw. It's all like super orchestrated shoegazer new wave! Come on people! This of course is the basis of my ridiculous "No Doubt is at least a neat and intelligent" band argument)

I believe that the very act of believing in something causes us to distance ourselves from that thing, thus a duality is created: oneself and the thing in which one believes. Now since we all know that in order to fully understand a thing one must be that thing - walk a mile in its shoes so to speak. It seems obvious that the state of believing in something inevitably causes us to not truly understand that thing in which we believe. This non-comprehension leads to all sorts of difficulties. "I believe in love" has a better than even chance of leading to divorce, while "I believe in God" seems to end in variations on the Spanish Inquisition. But - and it's a big but - if one were to love, one couldn't help but be affectionate and caring towards oneself and others. If one were God, one would act towards all beings and all things as if they were one's own creations. And that, my friends, is the secret to life.
Of course the secret could be more like listening to the three albums "Purple Rain" (Prince), "I'm With Stupid" (Aimee Mann) and "Graceland" (Paul Simon) on random.
We have to keep an open mind.

"The Simpsons are going to London!"

2006-09-13T18:58:00.001-04:00

So the episode of The Simpsons where they go to London was on last night. Why is this important? Well because it has one of the funniest and truest lines about music on TV ever.
"Hey look it's Jimmy Page, one of the greastest thieves of American black music to ever walk the earth!"
It's not that I dislike Zeppelin although admittedly I don't really listen to them, they're not really my thing. I say this while wearing an Ebullition Records shirt. Hm.
The quote is funny because it's so God-awfully true. Heh.

By the by my favorite Zeppelin song is "Fool In The Rain" because it tells a great story and most of all it doesn't sound like Zeppelin.

Speaking of The Simpsons does anyone remember this?

The most popular terrible voice in the history of music

2006-09-10T20:02:00.000-04:00

I don't like Bob Dylan. I understand why he's popular. I understand why the music is popular. I understand why the music should be wildly popular. I understand why people believe him to be a great lyricist. I understand where and why he stands in music history and how important he was to the sixties. All his credit is deserving. Given all of that I still don't like Bob Dylan.
Well lucky me it seems like he's everywhere right now. New album getting rave reviews, iPod commericals, cover of Rolling Stone (issue 1008) and even in my current home town playing a minor league baseball stadium.
Okay.
So when I read Rolling Stone the first thing I do is go to the last page and scan the charts. Next I go to the reviews. Next I run through the first bunch of pages scanning the bold print names to see if there's anything worth reading. Lastly I quickly flip through the rest of the pages to see if any of the articles are worth reading. In the newest issue, the one with Dylan on the cover, there's an article/interview with him.
Not liking Dylan I of course decided I wouldn't read the article.
Today I threw caution to the wind and read it. Wow. I don't even know. Wow. Dylan is a #$*&@*#!!! Seriously, fuck this guy.
He comes off as pompous and arrogant. While I didn't like him at least I could attempt to respect him. No longer.
It probably doesn't help that the whole thing is written by Dylan's number one super fanboy or so it seems. That in and of itself made me want to vomit. It's a character flaw to be that enamored with a pop/rock singer with such a terrible voice, no matter how great the lyrics may or may not be.
In the end my opinion of Dylan was high even though I staunchly disliked him. Now I feel like my distaste for him is completely justified by the only person who could wholly do it for me: Bob Dylan.

The Spirit Of Autumn

2006-09-07T21:51:00.000-04:00

The newest JT single is just as good as "Sexy Back" and any of his other singles. I almost want to say that he's going to become the next MJ but we're not that far yet. You could equate BSB to The Jackson 5 if this becomes the case.

That old Toad The Wet Sprocket song "All I Want" that was on the Friends soundtrack came on the radio the other day. I smiled.

Anyone else notice that they dusted off an old Stabbing Westward single as the theme to the trailer for that new movie The Covenant? This is very odd indeed.

So who's going to be the first spazzy "hardcore" possibly Spock rock sounding band to cover "I Write Sins Not Tragedies"? I would love to hear The Blood Brothers circa their album "March On Electric Children" cover this. Or maybe even an "emo-violence" type band like Usurp Synapse or Jerome's Dream.

I'm so God damned tired of hearing about that OK Go video! Fuck!

Eddie Vedder still sounds like he has a mental disability to me.

The new Jewel single "Good Day" isn't very good. What happened to "Who Will Save Your Soul?" Now that was good. Well...at least it was neat.

Ok, ok, ok, ok, ok, ok, ENOUGH ALREADY! FUCK! I get it!!! Sufjan Stevens is good! Can you stop writing artcles and name dropping him? I'm talking to everyone!!!

And now on to the point of the post: The Spirit Of Autumn!
My friends and I are known for coming up with themes for current seasons. Past ones have included Ultra-Pretentious Spring, Devil-Lock Summer and Ultra-Punk Winter. This autumn's theme is The Spirit Of Autumn! So bust out your thick high water slacks, cuff up those jeans, dust off those old clunky thirft store black dress shoes and grab all your small collared shirts!!! You'll probably also need a copy of Catcher In The Rye, a scarf, lots of coffee (yet you're not jittery), a crush on a girl/boy you'll never have and lots of remembering of times when you were a kid.
As for the music that goes along with this theme (there's always music that goes along) here are some key artists and albums: Neil Young's "Harvest", Christie Front Drive, Boys Life, Braid, The Get Up Kids (especially "Woodson" and "Four Minute Mile"), Cap'n Jazz, Violent Femmes, old school Piebald, Gin Blossoms, Sunny Day Real Estate, you get the idea. The core of the music is definitely midwest, mid '90s indie rock. This is going to be GREAT fun!!! =)

And lastly, I want to welcome The TV Geek to the world of popular culture blogging. Check out his site, it's sure to be a good one within the next few weeks!

bad covers, Elijah Blue Allman and new 31G clique releases

2006-08-30T21:06:00.000-04:00

I was just flipping through channels when I saw some girl completely butcher "Psycho Killer" by The Talking Heads on some terrible who wants to be a rockstar type show.

Speaking of things that made me want to reach through the screen and hit musicans, I saw Josh Joplin on MPT cover "Big Mouth Strikes Again" by The Smiths. Wow, seriously this could not have been worse. I had total trainwreck syndrome while watching this, knowing it's horrendously terrible but not being able to phyiscally turn it off.

Let's keep going with the bad covers. While in the store Hollister (don't ask...) I heard a cover of "Enjoy The Silence" by Depeche Mode. First off this song shouldn't be covered, it just shouldn't. it didn't help that the cover was of the bland pop-rock variety. Boo to that!

Okay, how about good covers! So the new Deadsy album came out last week. I had really high hopes for this album as I loved the first one. The first one had two great covers on it. "Brand New World" (originally done by Sebadoh) which one of those covers (along with The Blood Brothers verison of "Under Pressure") that is actually better than the original. They also do an impressive cover of "Tom Sawyer" (originally performed by Rush) The new albums boasts a cover of The Stones classic "Paint It Black." Honestly I didn't think they'd be able to pull it off, but they do very very well. They also are bold enough to sample Zeppelin's "Immigrant Song." While the new album ("Phantasmagore") is more upbeat than the previous one, it's still quite good. "Razor Love," the opening song, is one of those jams that just make you want to go out and do stuff. You know like "Move Along" by The All-American Rejects. As always the worst thing about Deadsy is the fact that they run about with the whole Korn/Family Values Tour clique. Speaking of which, yes I'm paying ten bucks to go to The Family Values Tour this year and yes I will be leaving right after the Deadsy performance. Oh and as you listen to them remember that their singer is the son of Cher and Gregg Allman. Whoa. All in all you have to love a band that sounds like a modern verison of Gary Numan.

Cool stuff happening in the future:
The Locust are in the studio recording their new full legnth "New Erections" that is supposed to be out early in 2007, possibly Feburary.
New stuff from both Holy Molar and Das Oath supposed to be out November 14th.
The new album from The Game is slated to be out this November as well. I know he only raps about shoes and how good he and the west coast are but damn if he's not crazy good at it! I loved "The Documentary" and honestly can't wait for this album to drop.

It seems I was right about Rick Ross which shouldn't be surprising anyone could have predicted it. His album "Port Of Miami" debuted at number one.

On Lupe Fiasco's upcoming album (drops in November if I'm not mistaken) Mike Shinoda produces a track. DAMN YOU SHINODA!!!

Caution: KFed induces vomiting

2006-08-23T16:22:00.000-04:00

That band Hinder is becoming more popular. Fuck.

The new Evanescence single "Call Me When You're Sober" is getting major airplay and was number three on TRL today. Fuck.

Mike Shinoda is still alive. Fuck.

But hey Bloc Party has a new album coming out next year! If it's even half as good as Silent Alarm we're in for a treat.

By the by I just today stopped feeling sick from watching Kevin Federline's performance at the Teen Choice Awards.

"Musical diplomatic immunity" needs to become a reality

2006-08-16T16:48:00.000-04:00

While sitting around listening to the radio and such Keane's "Is It Any Wonder" came on and I said out loud to myself, "There is no way I'm listening to this" and swiftly changed the radio station. It wasn't even like a conscious decision, it was completely reactionary. You know like when the doctor hits your knee with that mallet.

mike001100: I can't stop listening to Frou Frou, does that make me a 35 year old single woman?
Sapphire Pal: no
Sapphire Pal: I love that band they some amazing songs
Sapphire Pal: might make you german
Sapphire Pal: I cant stop listening to new order here to stay
Sapphire Pal: does that make me gay?
mike001100: No. New Order is great!
mike001100: The penned True Faith.
mike001100: True Faith!
Sapphire Pal: haha
Sapphire Pal: but here to stay is a very gay song
Sapphire Pal: I mean its almost like pet shop boys
mike001100: Not as gay as anything The Pet Shop Boys have ever done.
Sapphire Pal: lyricly
Sapphire Pal: he talking about some boy folowing him
Sapphire Pal: and the synth parts are very discotequ
mike001100: Whatever. They might as well have some kind of musical diplomatic immunity in my book.
mike001100: They could execute people on stage and it wouldn't matter.
Sapphire Pal: HAHAHHAHA
Sapphire Pal: nice

Okay so Musical Diplomatic Immunity (which will henceforth be known as MDI on this site) is a great idea. But who should get it? Here's some of my picks and why.

-Michael Jackson - to seal from Dave Chappelle, he made Thriller. Thriller! If it weren't for Off The Wall Justin Timberlake would be making my buffalo chicken sub at Subway tonight. And if you're within my age/generation (I'm twenty-four) you LOVED "Bad" and "Smooth Criminal." Don't even try to deny it, everyone will know you're lying. But the biggest reason? He needs this immunity the most. Plus he owned a monkey named Bubbles...

-New Order - Okay so there was this band. They were amazingly, mind blowingly great; influential to a fault. Then the singer killed himself. Fuck. What do the remaining members of that band do? They get together and form one of the best bands of the 80s. Just for being able to pick up the pieces after their good friend and front man took his own life they deserve the immunity. I always bring up "True Faith" as the reason they're untouchable (which is apparently the subject of a dance sequence in the upcoming movie Marie Antoinette I'm told) but all in all that's not the one, you know. So let's go ahead and talk about the one of theirs. It's the best selling twelve inch single of all time. Despite your view on them, that's impressive. Then they were bold enough to remake it in 1988 and it didn't lose any of it's original appeal. Even a subpar band like Orgy can cover it and the song itself raises the talent level of the band. Come on! "Blue Monday!"

-Paul Simon - There are probably more arguments for him than I can even think. I give it to him because of the album Graceland. Easily one of the best albums of the 80s with a single that EVERYONE loves in "You Can Call Me Al." With it's mix of cajun and african influences this album remains interesting even if you've heard it more times than the average student at a liberal arts college hears Dave Matthews on any given day. If you need more proof look for his performance of "Diamonds On The Soles Of Her Shoes" on Saturday Night Live. This is right up there with The Churchills on Spin City, Chappelle doing "The Reflex," and Marvin Gaye doing the national anthem at the NBA all-star game in '83 as one of the my favorite TV music moments.

-Frank Sinatra - It's Frank Sinatra! Plus if I didn't give it to him some guy from Jersey would probably break my legs. Plus "Fly Me To The Moon" is one of the greatest scotch drinking songs ever along with "No More Sorry" by My Bloody Valentine. This is a voice that will never die.

-Dean Martin - It's Dean Martin! You gotta love Dino! Plus if I didn't give it to him Frank Sinatra would probably break my legs. This is a voice that will never die.

-Prince - Anyone who knows me saw this coming and knows my arguement already. Purple Rain. One of the greatest albums of the 80s and probably the best music movie of all time. Looking back at it the album was pretty ridiculous. How do you have that many amazing songs on one album?!?! I mean seriously! It's absurd! For instance: "Computer Blue" followed by "Darling Nikki" followed by "When Doves Cry." What?!?! All in a row! Prince I love you.

-Chuck Berry - He's the true king of rock and roll. That's all that really needs to be said. Plus he needs the immunity too.
(For the record Berry takes Elvis' MDI spot)

-Madonna - Is anyone more adaptable in music? Where would pop music be without her? For that matter where would female fronted pop be without her? MDI law allows Madonna to claim any woman who hit number one after 1985 as her personal assistant/servant/maid. I was getting ready to name the songs that made her deserving but I realized that would take far too long and I'd still probably leave one out. She along with Michael Jackson are obviously, unarguably first ballot picks for MDI. Her doing "Like A Virgin" at the VMA's in 1984 is also one of the greatest music TV moments of all time.

-Tupac Shakur - He actually doesn't get the immunity since he's dead. Yes he's dead. But if he were alive he would definitely get it and would definitely need it. The best rapper of all time? Yeah, probably. If more rap today had a message and a sound like "Changes" popular culture as a whole would benefit. "Hail Mary," "Brenda's Got A Baby," "To Live And Die In L.A.," "Dear Mamma" - by the time I'm fifty (if not before or even now) all these tracks will be considered untouchable classics. Hm, just in case he is alive we'll go ahead and give it to him. =)

-Morrissey - First off it's Morrissey so he probably wouldn't even accept the MDI. Second off, it's fucking Morrissey! I'd be willing to bet that Morrissey is your favorite alt-rock/alt-pop singer's favorite singer. He's like the Ras Kass of modern pop rock. Since The Smiths are not together when Morrissey declines the MDI due to some ridiculously pretentious sexual or political reason I'll give it to Johnny Marr, if nothing else for the music to "How Soon Is Now." Speaking of which I still can't believe that "How Soon Is Now" was originally slated to be a B-side to "William It Was Really Nothing." Not to say that "William It Was Really Nothing" is a bad song (it's great!) it's just amazing that Marr and Morrissey were so amazingly ready for battle at the time that "How Soon Is Now" was like a throw away track. Completely ridiculous!

I was thinking of giving it to Ozzy Osborne but his show is just unforgivable. If Randy Rhodes were still alive he'd be deserving for sure. Dr. Dre almost made the list, but I cannot in good mental health give it to him until "Detox" comes out, which may be never.
I didn't put any underground artists on the list. They should have their own lesser MDI. UMDI if you will. The U being "underground." You can use IMDI if you like with the I being "indie." Quickly, off the top of my head this would go to the Leo brothers (Ted and Chris), Ian Mackaye, Mark Bianchi, Crass, The Specials, My Bloody Valentine (if only for "Loveless"), Justin Pearson, The Get Up Kids, Varg Vikernes/Burzum (he definitely needs it!) and Sam Rosenthal.

Sapphire Pal: ]I bet you gave morris day and the time MDI
mike001100: No. I love them but they aren't deserving.

The allusive amoprhous term known as "post punk"

2006-08-10T15:45:00.000-04:00

This is from my friend Irish's blog which can be found here:
As some of you may know Mike and I have a little running argument about which band is better Joy Division or New Order. While entirely futile and imbecilic, it is fun so I thought I would share some of my arguments on the topic with the readers at large. Joy division typifies the movement of post punk (almost as bad a name as emo) more than another band. You could say the New Order has the better sales, that PiL had the Name (Johnny Rotten), That Devo and Pere Ubu were around before but the core of what the movement was about had its most creditable start in Manchester. It was a city in decline. A former industrial juggernaut that at that point 1979-1982 was in such a wretched state, it could not help but breed the dissonant and alienating sound that Joy Division mastered. When you hear a song like Atrocity Exhibition you can feel the alienation the space and aimlessness that was abundant in the youth of the day. The music itself not just the lyrics give off that presence.

This was my reply:
Actually I think Devo is far more important to post punk (and definitely underground music today) than Joy Division is.
All you really need to do is pick up any "underground" album that can be loosey associated with "punk" and you hear something of Devo. I may have to let you borrow some more Devo...
At the time, sure Joy Division was far more relevant. Time has definitely changed that.

Okay I'm going to speak further on this.
Joy Division is a hugely important band. I can't stress the word important enough. However if Ian Curtis had not have died when he did (I've been told by fellow music jerks that this is an impossibility) I'm not sure if the band could have stayed fresh. I don't think they could or would have turned to a New Order type sound if Curtis still had a say in the band. All that said Joy Division was obviously more important than both Devo and New Order within that current time period of late-late 70s and early 80s. But this is the problem with music, it's ever changing. Speaking in modern times from a post punk/punk rock/western US musical background, Devo is to me the more important, influential band. I can see their fingerprint on everything from Spock rock (The Locust, The VSS) to noise rock (Fast Forward, Melt-Banana). But it's not just the underground you can see it in popular music. Some of the more robotic sounding keyboard driven beats in rap to keys/keyboard breakdowns becoming a more regular thing (again) in popular rock music (Panic! At The Disco). How much would great/modernly relevant labels like 31G or Gold Standard Labs be changed if there were no Devo? Not to mention the whole no-wave movement...
Curtis is more influential right now than Joy Division itself. Not for his vocals/vocal delivery but rather lyrically. I think his shadow is cast over that whole My Chemical Romance/A.F.I. scene.
As for New Order they to me continue to prove keys matter in pop music. They also brought a more poppy sound to what Devo maybe (?) wanted to do and left a lasting effect on every music genre from goth to techno.

This is not meant at all to discount Ian Curtis' or Joy Division's contributions to music as a whole. They still remain one of the more interesting bands in history.

Ian Curtis movie? Here.

By the by good call on Pere Ubu, Irish. Oh and in terms of worst genre name, you have to go with spock rock over both emo and post punk. Stoner rock deserves an honorable mention. "But stoner rock isn't a real genre Jerk!" Bongzilla. Sleep. Weedeater. Yes it is!

Things that make you go "wow!"

2006-08-09T21:01:00.001-04:00

Ten thousand people showed up to try out for American Idol at the Rose Bowl on Tuesday. Ten thousand!!!
Regardless I can bearly stand the show most of the time.

I watched that Paris Hilton special that one of the music channels were airing. I must say I am surprised. I like the single, "Stars Are Blind," but even the rest of the album sounds good for what it is. It reminded me of Justin Timberlake's "Justified." Not necessarily in sound but in that I think it's going to blow up, have some decently high hits on the charts and it'll be a big dance record (this probably will be the biggest similarity.)
Although I am curious to know how much they "aided" her voice. That's not a burn, just curious - they are good dumb pop songs afterall.

Everyone wants to be bossy! That's why it's a hit!

2006-08-08T17:46:00.000-04:00

So I can't decide if the DMX track "Lord Give Me A Sign" is good or the chessiest rap/R&B/ect song since R. Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly." Either way I guess it's better than hearing "Snap Yo Fingers" every five minutes.

Okay, so I should probably first say that I really like Kelis so I might be a little bias but "Bossy" is a great track! I love those minimal keyboardy beats that sound like they could be the theme song to The Munsters.
"I'm A G" by N.O.R.E. is another wonderful song with this kind of beat. Plus that song makes you feel like a pirate! Arrrrrrrr!
Back to "Bossy" I really like the fact that she uses the words 50 tried to use against her and Nas in "Piggybank" as the basis for the hook. That's how you really come back at someone, just make an amazing track. Anyway am I mistaken or is Travis Barker in the beginning of this video?
Oh and I'm starting the petition for Nas and Kelis to have kids in order to infuse hip-hop with more talented artists.

So yesterday Rick Ross was the guest on both 106 And Park and Sucker Free Countdown! He was on both hyping his new album, "Port Of Miami," which came out today. I get the feeling that this album is going to be huge.
Rick Ross is also featured on the new Daz track "On Some Real" which is an alrght song. Honestly the best part of the song is just hearing Daz on the radio again. This guy is like Cuba Gooding Jr. in "A Few Good Men." He was just another one of the many Death Row kids featured on "The Chronic."

Don't get me wrong, I love "Gimmie That" but Chris Brown makes me laugh. There's a thing we Lakers fan say: the Lakers need to merge our two best centers (Chris Mihm and Kwame Brown) into one person who would be a great player. This players name would be Chris Brown. Wait, wait. What if we made this center then gave him the obviously unholy/demonesque dancing powers of the music Chris Brown. Whoa...

I'm offically sick of that Gnarls Barkley single.

Check out Hot Wyred on BET. Video games and music all in one neat little package.

I wish this was a joke: I just now realized that this was an all rap post.

"Now there is one less tongue that will bend to say your name"

2006-07-31T17:50:00.000-04:00

Sorry about the no posting, kinda lazy.
On the brightside I have pages upon pages to post up here! Let's see how much we can get through.

A few weeks back I called for Mike Shinoda's head. Do you think I was joking around? Come on, get on it!

Sapphire Pal: you need to do a worst band/songs post on music jerk
Sapphire Pal: yellow card "ocean ave"
(Spelling errors omitted. Heh.)
Sure, I'll give Yellow Card a worst band nod.

Have you ever watched music videos on mute? It really shows how ridiculous they are and every now and then you'll come across one that truly shows that videos, in general, are terrible for music. The video of "Promiscuous" is definitely one of these videos. And what the hell is Justin Timberlake doing in the video at the end. Actually, his apperance in the video makes me laugh every time.
Speaking of Timberlake his new single is pretty good. I was a big fan of his first album (it just sounds like an updated version of Michael Jackson's "Off The Wall") and can't wait to hear this new one.

If you can't relate to the lyrics in "Lachrymose Obsequious Vehement Elated (L.O.V.E.)" by Park Ave. (this band is the ONLY time I can stand Conor Oberst) then you're some kind of heartless automaton.

Okay, okay not all videos are bad. For instance, Hype Williams is a God-damned genius! His videos are always so colorful and so pleasing to the eye. His newest one, "Number One" by Pharrell (Kanye is on the track as well), may be his best. This video is what the movie remake of Miami Vice would look like in a perfect world. Hell in a perfect world all of Aimee Mann's albums would sound like "I'm With Stupid" and not like bland medicore pop/rock.
Anyway "Number One" is a great song without the video. I'd love to take a peak at Pharrell's music collection, I don't know if I can even guess what would be there. He's a great muscian, plus he's executive producing the live action movie version of Voltron. Obviously he's doing the music too and he's quoted as saying the the soundtrack will sound nothing like anything anyone's ever heard. Sweet.
Oh and the best arugement about Hype Williams? He goes by the name Hype. Wow.

Joan Of Arc's "Live In Chicago, 1999" (not a live album, it's pronounced "live" as in, I live in the state of Maryland) is top five material when speaking of best indie rock albums. "Frame And Canvas" by Braid and "Departures And Landfalls" by Boys Life would definitely be two of my other picks. And if you're counting discographies how about another Tim Kinsella band? Cap'n Jazz's "Analphabetapolothology."

If you're in need of a nice little pop/rock album to drive to or to get ready for the weekend to I highly recommend the new All-American Rejects album "Move Along." While it boasts arguably the worst song of the year in "Straightjacket Feeling," it's filled with memorable hooks and easily singable choruses. I find myself actually straying away from the singles "Dirty Little Secret" and "Move Along" and going to the real gems on the album, "Stab My Back," "Change Your Mind," and "Top Of The World." You'll love the last song if you know a lot of rich kids or grew up in a well-to-do community. Again the best way to describe this album is that it is absolutely perfect for driving to a party or getting ready for a big weekend.

So I might get a lot of shit for this one but I really like the new singles from both Paris Hilton ("Stars Are Blind") and Jessica Simpson ("Public Affair"). The Paris single sounds like a No Doubt song and Simpon's song sounds like a Janet Jackson single from the 90s. Quality pop. I'd much rather hear these than anything Shinoda has his hand in or hearing "Ridin' Dirty" for the four hundred seventy-fifth time in an hour.

Okay, so this single "So What" by Field Mob (Ciara contributes vocals to the track as well) has a great catchy hook but everytime I hear it I'm reminded of a Crass song by the same name and I end up singing that in my head. Weird. Ciara to Crass...

"Firestorm" by Earth Crisis is to hardcore what "Freebird" is to southern rock.

So the amazing radio station around here Jack FM played "The Metro" by Berlin the other day. I COMPLETELY flipped out. Good song. I highly suggest finding the album, "Pleasure Victim," it's full of wonderful new wave hooks. Plus Terri Nunn is credited with "Vocals, BJs" in the album and that's kinda funny.

A post or two back I was talking about theme songs and I completely forgot to mention "I'm Afraid Of Everything" by Braid. I should have mentioned it. This is top five material.

I was listening to the Mortiis album "The Smell Of Rain" the other day, which turned out to be a good thing as I had completely forgotten how great this album is. If you don't know, Mortiis is/was a big black metal guy - then this album came out. He claims he was listening to a lot of Nine Inch Nails while making this album and it shows. To me, it sounds like a much more poppy and interesting version of something Reznor would put out. If you're a fan of new wave, darkwave, black metal, synth pop or just keys and drum machines in general I suggest picking this up. Selected tracks: "You Put A Hex On Me" and "Smell The Witch" which sounds like a track you'd hear at your senior prom if everyone in your high school had something to do with Projekt Records. Actually with "Smell The Wtich" I swear at certain parts I can sing New Order's "Blue Monday" and it totally fits! And the album even boasts a great ballad in "Everyone Leaves."

So I think I'm ready to say that I like New Order much more than Joy Division. I'm sure someone will have a fit about that. I mean they penned "True Faith." "True Faith." Plus much like the Less Than Jake song, all my friends are metal heads and I keep threatening to sing "Blue Monday" because they're always obnoxiously doing the beginning of Slayer's "Reign In Blood" to my complete chagrin.

The Music Jerk's embarrassing admission of the day: Speaking of The Dave Matthews Band, I am a fan of everything including and before the album "Before These Crowded Streets."
=(

A quick conversation with a fellow jerk.

2006-07-25T19:02:00.000-04:00

mike001100: Have you heard the new Pharrell single with Kanye? It's crazy good!
Sapphire Pal: yes I have
Sapphire Pal: yeah its god
Sapphire Pal: good
Sapphire Pal: though rap has been lil john and snap dance for a couple months
Sapphire Pal: I swear if I ever meet e40 I am goign to hit him in the mouth
mike001100: Take a picture when you do and frame that bitch!

The Reflex

2006-07-23T20:19:00.000-04:00

It's been a long weekend so this is going to be a short one.

So a week ago tonight Chappelle's Show (the second episode of The Lost Episodes) had Chappelle playing his generic white guy (something he surely has copywrited) singing Duran Duran's "The Reflex" while doing the twist. This joins those musical moments in television that can't get out of my dumb head. Some of my favorites: The Churchhills on Spin City doing "Everybody Get's What They Deserve," Wyclef on Chappelle doing "If I Were President," Blink 182's very funny, yet underplayed video for "Josie" and the Sports Night episode entitled "Eli's Coming." Come on, it's named after a Three Dog Night song! And when the song kicks in...oh man!
Motorhead on The Young Ones should be included too. And I guess it would be wrong not to include Ashlee Simpson on SNL. Heh.

So I have a good friend who's a Celtics fan and I'm a Laker fan. I'm sure you can already see the problem. I still have a problem with Boston fans. Hell, I never got used to Rick Fox being a Laker. Anyway I was thinking, what's the musical equal of this? I'm not even sure. The only things I can come up with are like Who fans versus Zepplin fans back in the day. Maybe Stones versus Beatles fans after "Let It Bleed" came out? I have no idea. I'm thinking these don't even come close. Anyone have an idea
Duff and Lohan fans aren't old or angry enough to care that much.

Okay so honestly, I just wanted to get this post out before the new episode of Chappelle's Show came on. Don't ask me why.

dada, "Cave Formations," and Lizzie McGuire

2006-07-12T16:41:00.000-04:00

Praise be to Jah, the Music Jerk is back with another post! (I've been listening to a lot of dub lately. You know King Tubby, King Jammy, ect. Maybe that explains the use of "Jah." Maybe...)

Finding myself watching MTV I saw a video for a song called "Paralyzed" by Rock Kills Kid. After hearing it I was sure they'd be as big as Bloc Party with the same kind of fans. Although if they're on MTV, I'd imagine that they already are that big. Anyway, good song, go look.

Okay, so Panic! At The Disco. Seriously is there any band on top 40 radio right now that has a more infectious hook?! This isn't a joke or anything, I'm serious. That God forsaken song "I Write Sins Not Tradgedies" is sooooo ridiculous. It won't get out of your head! Maybe it's because he says the line "I chimed in with haven't you people ever heard of closing the God damned door?" like three hundred fourty-seven times in two and a half minutes. Anyway, infectious doesn't always equal good but it might this time. Plus their other single has a great little dance-y keyboard breakdown and it's nice to hear that again on top 40 radio. And if you don't agree with that, you're an idiot who needs to go buy a Duran Duran album (preferrably "Rio") that or you're from the south.

So does Yung Joc have an invisible motor cycle? Is that what that dance is?

After listening to a few dada sound poems the other day I came to the conclusion that they are the musical equal to a roller coaster. Well maybe first I should explain what they are. A bunch of dada artists from way back in the day (as early as 1930) recorded these so called sound poems. They're basically just gibberish and odd vocal sounds - they were attempting to break down language. Anyway, they're worth searching out (Sub Rosa Records) or downloading just for the artistic and historical merit alone even if you don't like them. To understand the roller coaster comparaison I suggest "Olseautal" by Raoul Hausmann. The best (and possibly my theme song) is "Ursonate" by Kurt Schwitters.

Speaking of theme songs, if mine isn't "Ursonate" it is DEFINITELY "Cave Formations" by Quintron (although his wife, Miss Pussycat, does all the vocals on this track.) This is a glorious song. First off, at times lyrically it's absurd, focusing (sort of) on stalagmites, spulunking (look at me butcher that word!) and caves. But it branches off into seemingly disjointed things, at least to me. And although her voice is damn near perfect on the track, it's not the vocals that make it. The music is very minimal using only a single drum beat, a hand clap and a sprinkling of keyboard when needed and during the hook. Quintron has the ablility to put out some pure crap however he can make some gems too. This is definitely the brightest of all of them. "54 degrees, double time."

Okay, so one more time with theme songs. I introduced my pale potato-eating brother, Irish, to a little known song called "Flamboyant" by the Pet Shop Boys. Wanting a copy of "West End Girls" on disc late last year/early this year I bought a two disc best of type dealie by the band called "Pop Art." It's excatly like you would expect it to be given the Pet Shop Boys' reputation and sound, it was music to have a gay dance party to. The highlights on the disc were obviously "West End Girls" and this song that I had never heard called "Flamboyant," which instantly became my favorite 80s song. Hell the first time I heard it I couldn't help myself and I ended up listening to it like seven times in a row at least. Anyway, Irish flipped for it as I did and decided that it was his theme song. We both were truly dissapointed (after writing "truly dissapointed" I had Morrissey in my head singing me that phrase) that this song wasn't a hit or at least a little bigger back in the day. After doing some research we found out that the song was released in 2003 for that best of type disc. Whoa. We flipped. We became even more angry that such an amazing song is relegated to complete obscurity. Not many people are going to buy a two-disc best of import by the Pet Shop Boys. Some of the best lyrics in the last couple of years and musically it has a small bit of a darkwave feel to it (much like "West End Girls" but a bit more) with dance sensabilities and vocals that can be haunting but fit wonderfully. This is the song you want to listen to at night, in a big city, in your car, rolling to the club. This is a MUST download.

So I really like The Locust, I mean really really. Many people say everything they do sounds the same. First off, if you believe that you need to realize that your ears suck. That or you're just not listening. That needed to be said. Not talking about the combined geniuses of the members of the band and their other current and past projects, they have really covered the entire spectrum of "extreme" music. They're the only band I know of that did a cover of an old, loved power-violence band (Crossed Out) and a Queen cover. Anyway, to get past the muck of music, rumor, "scene" horseshit and merchandise that follow The Locust, I suggest these songs for a good mix of everything they can sound like: "Head Hits Concrete," "Ass Gravity," "Anything Jesus Does I Can Do Better," "Sever The Toes" and "We'll I'll Be A Monkey's Uncle"
Also I suggest their album "Safety Second, Body Last." It's only two tracks but they set the music up in movements, so there's more than two "songs" you could say. It's only like ten minutes long, but the way they create space between the actual songs is masterfully done. It's probably the most innovative, creative and interesting "extreme" music that's been put out.
Oh and I have to say it, Joey Karam is an astounding keyboardist.

So the other day I said that Fred Schneider (the lead singer of The B-52's) should be the lead singer for EVERY band EVER. Could you imagine how funny this would be?!?! Oh my God! Pick a song, any song! It's hilarious. Think of him singing something like "Don't Fear The Reaper" Good lord, I'd die from laughter! The theme from Titanic. "Candy Shop" by 50 Cent. "Genie In A Bottle" by Filthy McChristina. This is a great idea. VH1 needs to make a show where it's just Fred singing songs that fans pick via online votes. There is NO WAY I'd ever miss an episode of that.

I'm going to assume that everyone knows what "The Grey Album" is. But how many people know about Q-Unit? It's this guy or group that's named The Silence Xperiment. What it is is a mix of 50 Cent's greatest hits with Queen's greatest hits. Yeah...
It's head and shoulders better than "The Grey Album." "Wanksta" mixed with "Bohemian Rhapsody?" That's fucking genius. Go get it, or at least look at the photoshoped picture of 50 Cent with a Freddy Mercury mustashe: http://www.q-unit.net/
It seems like it's FINALLY getting some play, which is very very well deserved. The Music Jerk and his boys have been partying to this album for quite a very long time now...

So apparently Greg Graffin (the lead singer of Bad Religion) is going to put out another solo album. This is surprising to me and I am almost completely sure that I am the only person in the world to purchase his first one...
It's not that the first one was bad, it's just that it was complete adult contemporary pop/rock, which is a huge departure from everything he's done with Bad Religion. I hope this album does well and gets some kids to buy the first one, which has a couple good tracks including a cover of Bad Religion's "Cease" done with only a piano and Graffin's vocals, it'll give you chills.

So many people know that the Music Jerk has love for pop music and that he is a fan of all of Hilary Duff's singles. So while flipping channels he decided to watch her show on The Disney Channel. First off she doesn't do the song at the opening credits, does that seem strange to anyone else? But that's not the funniest part, the episode I saw they were at some kind of fake murder mystery party and as she was searching for clues bad pseudo-mid 90s dance music came on with a guy who was trying waaaaaay too hard to sound cool singing, "Ooooooooooooooooh, searching for clues!!" over and over again. I'm being completely serious. It's okay, I wouldn't believe it either.

I was going to say something about an old Tony Yayo freestyle but that just doesn't seem right after talking about Hilary Duff/Lizzie McGuire.

Tarot Borelo is a great great band.

You're not in Kindergarden, just admit you don't have a better answer!

2006-06-27T17:19:00.000-04:00

Okay, first off site stuff. I'm running on a really bad connection here so until I get a better one (a month or two tops) this is most likely going to be more of a weekly-ish dealie. Consequently, the posts will probably end up becoming much larger.

Okay go!

So I have this term I say to myself called "kindergarden answers." Let me explain. They are answers to questions that any kindergardener could give. Further more it is usually the only answer a kindergardener could give because they don't know enough about the subject. Let's use Shakespeare (oh no...) as an example:
"Hey, what's the best/your favorite of Shakespeare's works?"
"Romeo & Juliet."
See? Okay. "Hey, jerk, this is a blog that's supposed to be about music!!!" Oh yeah. Okay, let me bring it back to relevancy. When I think about this term it is usually in the context of music. Here's basic ones for you:
Best guitarist ever? Kindergarden answer = Jimi Hendrix
King of rock and roll? Kindergarden answer = Elvis Presely (it's actually Chuck Berry...that's science!)
This happens faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar too often when talking about music. Rather than just spout out a shit, trite, kindergarden answer just admit you don't know much about the subject.

So Rhino is beginning to rerelease all of the Depeche Mode albums, remastering them and packaging them with a DVD about each album's recording. Among the first three is "Violator" which is easily their best album. I'll be getting this soon so I'll have an extra copy of the album if anyone is interested in it (trades are fun...)
Speaking of Depeche Mode I was thinking the other day what would you say is the best single of theirs? And DO NOT give me the kindergarden answer of "Personal Jesus." Fuck! I'd say it's a toss up of the other two singles on "Violator," "Policy Of Truth" and "Enjoy The Silence." In the end, I'm going with "Policy Of Truth." It has a sort of "How Soon Is Now?" vibe and if you don't know The Music Jerk loves The Smiths as trite as it might be.

Le Shok? Fuck yes! Check this total awesomeness out! http://youtube.com/watch?v=PZma6zsupLQ&search=le%20shok You'll notice Justin Pearson in the crowd, not to mention everything else that's rad in the clip, including arguing/fighting with the fans.

So I went to go see !!! about two weeks ago. Out of, let's say six or seven songs, they played only one song that is not new. Yeah, one song anyone in the audience knew. I mean that isn't really a problem or anything, just a little disappointing. Plus the singers voice sounded very much different than it does recorded. Oh yeah, and one of the opening bands sounded like a very poor man's Bloc Party fronted by two guys that HAD to be Milli Vanilli impersonators. Very funny.

I've dedcided that A.F.I. is some kind of multi-corporation multimedia scheme to get skinny high school "goth" (please notice the quotes) kids laid by cheerleaders.

Some picks for great summer jams:
"Eskamoes" - Mephiskapheles
"Big 8" - Judge Dread
"I, Fitznik" - The Blue Meanies (great lyric: "Deliver me from indie cred, deliver me 'cause punk rock's dead.")

So I'm afraid to say this but I'd imagine the new Christina Agulariafilthygadjfielia (If you can spell her last name in under ten seconds without any help you deserve an award. All I know is that the letters f-i-l-t-h-y are in there somewhere) is pretty good IF it all sounds like her newest single.

Okay seriously, it's gone too far. Someone take out Mike Shinoda. Now. Please.

I really want the old Fine Young Cannibals album "The Raw And The Cooked." Come on! "She Drives Me Crazy." Ex members of The English Beat, yes sir!

I've said this before but most, if not all, pop-punks/Hot Topic kids/ect. need to listen to the song "The Greatest Working Class Rip-Off" by Crass. All unintelligent crust/anarcho/blah blah blah I'm sooooooooo counter-culture punks need to listen to the song "Chaos Ain't Me" by Orchid.

So the term "emo" has been thrown around quite a bit lately, hasn't it? Well I've decided that something needs to happen. It's too much of an umbrella term, so I think a few groups of bands just need to come up with different genre titles in order to straighten things out. There's too many bands that can be or are unintelligently lumped into that title, past and present:
-post-"Salad Days"/"Revolution Summer" Dischord Bands (Hoover, Nation Of Ulysses, Rites Of Spring, ect)
-mid 1980s/early 90s hardcore-y indie sounding punk bands (Moss Icon, Native Nod, Ordination Of Aaron, ect)
-1993-1995 bands, you know the ones that played the basement of the Cupertino, CA library (Indian Summer, Mohinder, ect.)
-early Gravity Records bands, lot of overlap with the Cupertino bands (Angel Hair, Antioch Arrow, Clikatat Ikatowi, Heroin, ect)
-"emo-violence" stuff (Jeromes Dream, Orchid, Usurp Synapse, ect)
-Level Plane Records stuff (A Day's Refrain, Neil Perry, Saetia, ect)
-solid older bands that don't really fit into any of the above (Policy Of 3, Still Life, Swing Kids, ect)
-new whiny stuff on the radio (Angles And Airwaves, Bright Eyes, Dashboard Confessional, ect)
-"I'm trying to be sooooo fucking brooding and scary" shit (A.F.I., My Chemical Romance, ect)
-stuff people with the worst musical tastes on the planet listen to (Atreyu, Coheed And Cambria, Taking Back Sunday, ect)
I don't really have an answer to untangle these groups/bands from this label of "emo" so things would be more easily understood. Although I would be quite happy and content if the last three groups of bands would just be called "crap-rock."

Speaking of "emo," does anyone else see the parallel between pop-punk today being taken over by this sort of "mainstreamo" and hardcore (pre/during Minor Threat) being somewhat taken over by "emo" and "post-hardcore?" Is that just me?

Did ANYONE realize that Nelly Furtado was THAT hot before her newest video ("Promiscuous")?

I've decided that The VSS is what heavy metal for vampires in the very far off future will sound like.

Let me preface this by saying that I have nothing against this band, they're pretty good, but The Hives are The Backstreet Boys of rock and roll. If you didn't know that, there's a problem. There's one guy behind them, he writes all the songs and got the guys together. I'd love to meet this guy! He's gotta be one the most fightingest, drinkingest, rocknrollingest guy around!

While flipping around channels I landed on MTV. I saw a video by a band that I would call, as I defined above, "crap-rock." Then I was pretty sure the singer was one of the kids from Hanson, you know, "Mmmbop." But it wasn't. It was just some half-assed band called The Red Jumpsuit Appartas. Yeah, great name fellas. Anyway, stay away from this band but do see the video and think Hanson when looking at the singer, it's great entertainment!

Until next time.

The music jerk is free!

2006-06-08T15:54:00.000-04:00

Sorry about the lack of posts, The Man was trying to throw your music jerk in jail. Eek!

So yesterday was Prince's birthday. He turned 48. 48?!?! How is this guy 48?! Honestly, he looks like a 28 year old weasel/human hybred. But in the end he made Purple Rain. Purple Rain.

So for some odd reason last night I remembered this old show on VH1, I believe it was called The List. They would have four guests, give them a topic and name the top three things in that given topic. I remembered this one episode where the topic was the three songs you'd send out into space in order to try and explain rock and roll. It was pretty interesting. So yeah, here's my three:
1) "Johnny B. Goode" by Chuck Berry - This song IS rock and roll plain and simple. It's a rock song about rock and roll played by the TRUE king of rock and roll, Chuck Berry. Don't give me that Elvis horseshit. Chuck Berry, son. This song effectively shows everything rock and roll is and ever could be.
2) "Ziggy Stardust" by David Bowie - first off, Bowie is a God-damned genius; I wish a plague on anyone who doesn't see it that way. This song is excatly like "Johnny B. Goode," it's a wonderous rock song about rock and roll. It's like Bowie just remade the song and updated it for the 70s. Just like Berry's song it tells a great story.
3) "When Doves Cry" by Prince and The Revolution - Okay, so this one is definately one of those "what the hell is this jerk thinking" picks. But in the end, it's one of those songs that happen to show many things about rock. It shows how you can show your feelings through the medium rather than just tell a story like the two previous songs. It proves that you can move away from a traditional rock sound yet still be undeniably rock and roll.

All these songs are wonderfully catchy and everyone should sing along when they pop up on the radio. The define what rock is, without a doubt.
Got a good pick? Let me know.

I'm going to see the white boy funk stylings of !!! this Friday. I'm sure I'll have something to say about that...
And I'll be talking a bit about Depeche Mode and dumb kindergarden answers to music questions in the next installment.

Rude boy loot and shoot on a whim

2006-05-30T17:36:00.000-04:00

Desmond Dekker died of a heartattack last Thursday night. This is very very sad. He helped to competely define ska back in the first-wave days. We're talking 1960s stuff. This is a big loss for music across the board. This man was a genius with a wonderful voice.

There's more to say about different things but that will wait until later on. Dekker deserves his own post.

http://www.desmonddekker.com/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desmond_Dekker
http://www.flaviosantanna.com/dekker/

2006-05-25T22:34:00.000-04:00

I've been dead the last couple of days, sorry. I'm lazy so I'm just going to repost something I cooked up back in 2004 for a blog I used to write for. It's a top five favorite bands thing. I don't think that the bands and/or the order would necessarily be the same today, but it's still interesting.

I'll stop being lazy and have something original to post after the weekend.

Here you go:
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1) Antioch Arrow
This band sounded like snotty punk rock to an extent. Then they sounded like a run-of-the-mill spazz "spock-rock" band but with a singer who sounded like he never really had control of his voice or what he was saying. Then they went goth and made easily the best album to ever be recorded, "Gems Of Masochism." It took me two long years to actually get a real copy of my favorite album. Luckily it was rereleased last year so everyone can get a copy easily and without having to wait like I did. Anyway, it always surprises me when a band can play more than one style effectively; these guys did three perfectly, I think. "Somba" on their album "In Love With Jetts" is my favorite song ever; great keyboards, spazzy like a mug with odd lyrics about talking to the devil, racecars, and going bump in the night. These guys are my favorite band lyrically, they seemingly make no sense until you think for a second and dig deeper into them. Not to mention the singer stutters, lisps, stops at odd times, breathes into the mic and other such tactics which give the lyrics an even more intense and urgent feel. I say Aaron is the best singer ever. "Gems Of Masochism" STILL amazes me when I listen to it. How much do I like this band? I've always said if I get a tattoo it'll be the drawing on the cover of "In Love With Jetts" or the odd picture on the inside cover of "Gems Of Masochism."

2) Indian Summer
First of all, these guys are a VERY, VERY, VERY close second to Antioch Arrow; if you catch me on the right day, I'll say wholeheartedly that these guys were better than Antioch Arrow. I had a bootleg copy of all their songs long before they FINALLY rereleased all of them offically a year or two ago; lucky for me. But even that discography is ridiculously limited, which blows. EVERYONE needs their songs; everyone. I actually just recently aquired a digital copy of their even harder to find live album (I got it from unixpunx and let me say I used to check unixpunx like once a month for it and never saw it and I just randomly checked for the first time in like a six months-a year a few days ago and there it was!) That album is just over-the-top ridiculous. You can hear the Bessie Smith in the backgroud almost the whole time as well as other members of the band (besides the singer) just whispering shit along with the song if you turn it up enough. Nine songs and one more unknown one on the live album. That's it. Ten songs, one of the two best bands ever, done. God I love this fucking band. I used to say to anyone who'd listen, "I'd kill you if it meant I had a time machine to see Indian Summer just once." I mean fuck that getting back together shit. They captured a moment; it would be ruined by a reunion. Speaking of bad reunions:

3) Moss Icon
They did a reunion in Ohio in 2000 that I almost went to. I didn't go for two reasons, although if I remember correctly I told my girlfriend at the time it was because she couldn't go (I was trying to make her feel better I guess.) But the real reason was I found out it was only two of the orginal members NOT including Tonie Joy; so what the fuck was the point. I hear that performance was terrible. Without the album "Lyburnum" I wouldn't have made a lot of mistakes. I'm not sure what that means, but for some reason, it makes sense to me. Jon Vance's ultra-poetic yet absurdly cryptic lyrics still make no sense at times for me while making all the sense in the universe. I still can't be sure what the song "Lyburnum Wits End Liberation Fly" (an eleven plus minute song about religion) means, but I think I have a good idea and it suits me ridiculously well. "Gravity" is still the song I listen to when I'm down and I want to feel better and probably always will be. I believe "Memorial" to be the best anti-war song ever. After they broke up they reformed into the more ridiculous Breathing Walker which is about as hippy as I'll get in my musical tastes.

4) The Locust
So here's how I got into The Locust, most people don't know this story. I made a HUGE Ebullition order, like $100-$150 after I got a bunch of money for Christmas. They said on their website at the time that their catalog isn't always accurate and things run out and the more things you want, the more alternates you should list so they wouldn't have to send you a credit slip and you'd still get music. I listed the three inch Locust CD as an alternate. I had NEVER heard the band at the time; all I knew was that it was members of Swing Kids. I LOVED Swing Kids at the time so I figured I'd list this as an alternate. I got the Locust CD because something ran out. I put it on and something like twenty minutes and twenty-three songs later The CD was over and I wasn't sure what just happened. I wouldn't be the person I am today without getting that album at that excat time; I'm sure of that. They might be on Anti now (NOTE: I don't think they are under contract with Anti as of now), but I don't care because "Plague Soundscapes" was better than just about any other album in the past two years. Joey Karam might be the best keyboardist on the planet (not just because of the The Locust but for the first Supoena The Past album too.) Great cryptic socially-conscience lyrics, Devo on coke keyboards, one of my favorite drummers and the genius that is Justin Pearson all in one band. Sweet, sweet awesome.

5) My Bloody Valentine
This was the hardest one. Boys Life (just for "Departures And Landfalls"), Mohinder, Le Shok, Page 99, Usurp Synapse, Saetia, and Still Life were all making a ridiculously good case to be number five. But I gotta go with My Bloody Valentine. "Loveless" is easily one of my top five albums. So cloudy and murky with those two beautiful male-female vocals. I still don't know what's going on half the time in that album. It's the hardest to describe album in the history of music I'd be willing to say. Kevin Shields is a genius and he proves it with that record. I wasn't really into them in their earlier stages, but I adore "Isn't Anything" and "Loveless". "No More Sorry" on "Isn't Anything" I've dubbed my scotch song; it just sounds good with Johnny Walker. I don't know what else to say about this band, those two albums (especially "Loveless") are near impossible to describe in terms of sound. You just start sounding like you're contradicting yourself if you try; watch: they're cloudy, catchy, abrasive, comforting, depressing and happy. If they were a place they'd be a murky swamp. You'd be standing in the middle of the dense fog kinda sad that you're in such a yucky place but then kinda happy you're outside because it's such a nice night out and you kinda feel at home with the cherping insects.
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Anyone remember 120 minutes?

2006-05-22T18:06:00.000-04:00

So I hear Matt Pinfield is coming back to TV in some capacity on VH1. This is definitely a good thing. Although he can go on and on and seemingly doesn't know when to stop a story and goes on ridiculous tangents in the middle of said stories, he knows a lot and he's definitely entertaining.

Speaking of VH1, how about this show Super Group? I thought this was a neat idea until I heard Sebastian Bach was going to be a singer. Is there anyone more pompous and annoying? Maybe. I don't know...

So I heard this band Velvet Cacoon over the weekend. They're like a healthy mix of Burzum and My Bloody Valentine. Yeah. Needless to say it's pretty ridiculous, but damned good. Honestly there is NO better way to describe them other than saying it sounds like Burzum and My Bloody Valentine all together. Well except for the vocals. The male vocals sounds like he's super sick, spitting/coughing up blood, bed ridden with a mic in front of him. Oh wait, that's excatly how the vocals were recorded on one of the albums...

I was looking in my attic for some old mix cassettes a friend gave me a very long time ago and in the process I found tape copies of two soundtracks from the mid/late '90s that I had forgotten about: Batman Forever and Lost Highway. You have to love soundtracks that are amazing for movies that are terrible.

Oh news about the actual site. So I'm getting a very high number of unique hits on here which is rad. I got even more this weekend as it seems that ads have popped up in the comment section. I'll be deleting those after this post and instituting the whole word verification nonsense.

Crack-cocaine

2006-05-16T17:41:00.000-04:00

That's a hell of a title for a post Mike.
It sure is!
You must mean a band that's named after the drug, right?
Nope! I mean the drug!

So let's talk about crack...
Crack is addictive. Insanely, unpredictably and overwhelmingly addictive to be excat.
Upon use, crack makes you feel good despite it's addictive qualities; it'll still make get you feel wonderful, make you feel different after using it. It's so addictive, to stop would be making yourself go through a ridiculous amount of suffering.
Who wants to say that they use crack? No one. There's such a huge stigma with this drug. It's sooooo plain out bad that no one would ever admit to using it. Even if it makes you feel great, as the high would do, you wouldn't want to tell your friends that you smoke crack in your free time.

Okay.
The Postal Service.
The Postal Service is the musical equivilant of crack-cocaine.
No.
The Postal Service is crack.

I hate this band. I'm using the word hate here. I HATE this band. Fuck! However, I haven't been able to stop listening to the album "Give Up" since it came out. There's so many bad things about this band. The music sounds like a first generation NES game for God's sake! The lyrics are so sickly trite and overly sappy that it hurts to hear them. It's so bad and I know it is but damn it if I don't listen to them on a fairly regular basis.

The thing is I'm not alone. I know many many people who have confided in me, telling me that they own the album, they listen to it all the time. The question is how deep has this horrific addiction seeped into society?

So let's talk about The Postal Service...
The Postal Service is addictive. Insanely, unpredictably and overwhelmingly addictive to be excat. Upon listening, The Postal Service makes you feel good despite their addictive qualities; they'll still make you feel wonderful, make you feel different after listening to them. They're so addictive, to stop would be making yourself go through a ridiculous amount of suffering.
Who wants to say that they listen to The Postal Service? No one. There's such a huge stigma with this band. They're sooooo plain out bad that no one would ever admit to listening to them. Even if they make you feel great, as the music would do, you wouldn't want to tell your friends that you listen to The Postal Service in your free time.

Fuck.

Knock three times on your coffin if you want my love

2006-05-15T17:21:00.000-04:00

So over the weekend I bought five new CDs. I was fairly broke so I just raided the "budget bin" and got the five discs for ten cents under twenty bucks. Yesssssssssss.

So first off I got this three song album called "Absolution" by a band called Autumn Tears. Now I had NO idea what this was going to be, but it was ninety-nine cents and it easily looked like it could have been some kind of Ulver-esque metal. It turns out to be folksy goth kinda stuff, honestly they sound like a poor man's Black Tape For A Blue Girl with less production and instead of dual gender vocals, it's two girls. Both girls have a better voice than the female vocalist in Black Tape For A Blue Girl, which is saying a lot. Even though some of the percussion sounds odd and out of place at times it's a steal at ninety-nine cents plus the line "The certainty of fate pinned to my heels" is definitely thought provoking.

Speaking of Black Tape For A Blue Girl I ended up buying a Projekt Records compilation; it seems to be the newest one out. So there's a bit of history with me and Projekt Records comps as in I've never seen one in a store that I haven't picked up and bought. I don't know what it is. They're an alright label, not excellent, I don't know any of their acts all that well save for Black Tape and Voltaire, but there's something about their comps, they are ALWAYS great and so I can't not buy them. =( This CD was no exception. It begins with a great track by a band called Android Lust entitled "Dragonfly." I ended up listening to this song a few times over, it's really quite good. Very simply done, just some beepy snyths with a light drum machine under some very sensual vocals singing some odd lyrics. This is a band I'm definitely going to be looking for in the future. The Voltaire track was basic Voltaire. It was a little too cute, tongue-in-cheek to know if I actually like it or could stomach it for an extended amount of time. Like I said before, the comp like all their others is on point and of course the best track does come from their flagship band, the aforementioned Black Tape For A Blue Girl. Thi song is a weird sort-of/sort-of-not cover of Tony Orlando's "Knock Three Times." First off this thing sounds like a finger snapping Stray Cats song. You know, if Stray Cats wore all black, were completely androgynous and wore all sorts of eye liner. The lyrics are about a dead lover and turn out to be quite clever. "Knock three times on your coffin if you want my love." And there's this recurring lyric about how cute the girl is that definitely had me smiling and almost laughing at times. "She's kinda cute in a skinny kinda way" "She's kinda cute in a why don't you get out and see the sun kinda way" "She's kinda cute in a why don't you put some meat on those bones kinda way" I don't know, I thought they were amusing. Here is a fourty-five second clip of their song from their website.

The next one is Ink & Dagger's self-titled album (the fact that I didn't already own this is unacceptable.) This is a definite classic for it's genre. Noisy, punky, addictive. Great great lyrics, very dark. "Creatures like us never live forever, I need to be right twice in my life." Hell the lead singer thought he was a vampire (before he died...) "despite our vicious appetite are we really what we eat?" Fans of Le Shok should already know this, but if not, get up on it. And if you don't know who Le Shok is and you're down with The Strokes or The Hives, check them out they're like a grittier, dirtier, punkier version of those bands. Then you'll fall in love with Le Shok then you'll go find this Ink & Dagger album, not like it for a year, pick it back up and find it to be the best thing you've heard in months. Yeah.

Now for the most disappointing of the five; a darkwave compilation put out by Cold Meat Industry entitled "...And Even Wolves Hid Their Teeth And Tongues Wherever Shelter Was Given." Yeah, long title. I would imagine anyone who has this bought it because there's a Mortiis track on it, but that track like just about all the rest of the album gets very old very quick. All very sparse, almost ambient at times minimal darkwave. There's nothing wrong with this, but it doesn't seem like the best way to showcase your label. I mean there were times where I thought, "Wow I can't believe this track is this long!" and it turned out that was two tracks away from where I thought I was, it just bleeds together. There are a few brighter spots however. It gets a bit more industrial-y near the end of the album with bands like Sanctum, Atomine Elektrine and Mental Destruction. While better, even these tracks aren't necessarily great although the Mental Destruction song sounded like an evil version of the Foo Fighter's song "Weenie Beenie," so that was amusing. Besides that there was a sort of Depeche Mode sounding beat to the song "Malebolge" by Memorandum, but by that time in the album (track 13) I had all but given up, despite it and the less sparse industrial tracks.

The last album was something I was looking to get for a while now, Head Wound City's first EP. This was released by one of the truly innovative and great labels out there today, Three One G. Not unlike the band Holy Molar, this band is a sort of side project for a couple of different bands giving them a once in a lifetime kind of lineup for this genre. Within the disc you get the combined music geniuses of JP and Gabe (one of the best drummers around) of The Locust, Jordan and Cody from The Blood Brothers and Nick from The Yeah Yeah Yeahs. The result is the speed, fury and uniqueness that is The Locust, the completely and utter sassyness that is The Blood Brothers and the stylized musical fashion the erupts from The Yeah Yeah Yeahs. In the end while the album is very good, the members of the band have done some better things with their talents. I would say only buy this album if you already own and enjoy the two Locust albums "Plague Soundscapes" and "Flight Of The Wounded Locust" as well as The Blood Brothers album "This Adultery Is Ripe." Although after hearing those albums you might find this album to be more than a little trite.

Also look for a cover of Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by The Melvins (off of their album "Crybaby." ) Leif Garrett does vocals, no that's not a typo. I find it better than the original and when trying to describe it to a friend I ended up comparing it to the old mid 90s band Stabbing Westward. It's a weird yet great track that to me proves that Kurt Cobain shouldn't have sung on that, 70s teen heartthrob Leif Garrett should have. I can't believe I just said that...

What a great album cover

2006-05-14T19:10:00.000-04:00

Yeah, that's funny. If you see this album, buy it. First off VMW stands for "Virgin Mega Whore" so they gets points for their band's name right away. The album mostly consists of odd minimalist post-wave, just Mark McCoy (of Charles Bronson, Das Oath and Holy Molar fame) singing over sparce keyboard/synth beats. Oh and every now and then they throw in a thrashy song. Weird. Song titles like "My Favorite Hooker," "All Lubed Up, Nowhere To Go," and "Chained To The Radiator" make this album just as ridiculous as you'd expect from the cover art.

This is getting out of hand.

2006-05-14T18:51:00.000-04:00

Okay seriously, what's with the wealth of hard rock bands popping up? When did it become so amazingly cool to try and sound as much like Sabbath and Zeppelin as possible? Those are good bands but these new bands aren't bringing anything new! They just sound like cover bands!

Hearing Wolfmother (who is a great example of this "Oh my God! We have to sound more 70s!" horseshit going on) in an iPod commercial makes it a scientific fact that this is gone waaaaaay too far.

A simple truth: Retro 70s hard rock is the new indie rock and black metal is the new prog-rock.

And in the beginning there was "Your Song"

2006-05-14T17:24:00.000-04:00

This is the first post in what will surely break down into pretentious whining about music.

So why did I decide to start this damned thing in the first place?
Well sit back kids, let me explain. It all started at a McDonalds in Westminster, Maryland. I'm sitting with three friends when "Your Song" by Elton John pops up on the speakers. I begin to explain that the song is in fact, my song. There was a limited amount of laughter and at that point I decided to be a jerk and not really let the joke go. So I just kept explaining why it was indeed my song. When the lyric "and you can tell everybody this is your song" came on I replied, "Do you see? You see? It's my song! I'm telling you guys, everybody that it is my song." At this point one of my friends loses his last tiny bit of thought that this was in any way funny and says to me, "You're a fucking jerk."
So with that I decided I needed a forum to be a jerk about music.
...Well that and there's been many friends who've said in passing that I should start a music blog anyway.

Yeah.