You're not in Kindergarden, just admit you don't have a better answer!

Okay, first off site stuff. I'm running on a really bad connection here so until I get a better one (a month or two tops) this is most likely going to be more of a weekly-ish dealie. Consequently, the posts will probably end up becoming much larger.

Okay go!

So I have this term I say to myself called "kindergarden answers." Let me explain. They are answers to questions that any kindergardener could give. Further more it is usually the only answer a kindergardener could give because they don't know enough about the subject. Let's use Shakespeare (oh no...) as an example:
"Hey, what's the best/your favorite of Shakespeare's works?"
"Romeo & Juliet."
See? Okay. "Hey, jerk, this is a blog that's supposed to be about music!!!" Oh yeah. Okay, let me bring it back to relevancy. When I think about this term it is usually in the context of music. Here's basic ones for you:
Best guitarist ever? Kindergarden answer = Jimi Hendrix
King of rock and roll? Kindergarden answer = Elvis Presely (it's actually Chuck Berry...that's science!)
This happens faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar too often when talking about music. Rather than just spout out a shit, trite, kindergarden answer just admit you don't know much about the subject.

So Rhino is beginning to rerelease all of the Depeche Mode albums, remastering them and packaging them with a DVD about each album's recording. Among the first three is "Violator" which is easily their best album. I'll be getting this soon so I'll have an extra copy of the album if anyone is interested in it (trades are fun...)
Speaking of Depeche Mode I was thinking the other day what would you say is the best single of theirs? And DO NOT give me the kindergarden answer of "Personal Jesus." Fuck! I'd say it's a toss up of the other two singles on "Violator," "Policy Of Truth" and "Enjoy The Silence." In the end, I'm going with "Policy Of Truth." It has a sort of "How Soon Is Now?" vibe and if you don't know The Music Jerk loves The Smiths as trite as it might be.

Le Shok? Fuck yes! Check this total awesomeness out! http://youtube.com/watch?v=PZma6zsupLQ&search=le%20shok You'll notice Justin Pearson in the crowd, not to mention everything else that's rad in the clip, including arguing/fighting with the fans.

So I went to go see !!! about two weeks ago. Out of, let's say six or seven songs, they played only one song that is not new. Yeah, one song anyone in the audience knew. I mean that isn't really a problem or anything, just a little disappointing. Plus the singers voice sounded very much different than it does recorded. Oh yeah, and one of the opening bands sounded like a very poor man's Bloc Party fronted by two guys that HAD to be Milli Vanilli impersonators. Very funny.

I've dedcided that A.F.I. is some kind of multi-corporation multimedia scheme to get skinny high school "goth" (please notice the quotes) kids laid by cheerleaders.

Some picks for great summer jams:
"Eskamoes" - Mephiskapheles
"Big 8" - Judge Dread
"I, Fitznik" - The Blue Meanies (great lyric: "Deliver me from indie cred, deliver me 'cause punk rock's dead.")

So I'm afraid to say this but I'd imagine the new Christina Agulariafilthygadjfielia (If you can spell her last name in under ten seconds without any help you deserve an award. All I know is that the letters f-i-l-t-h-y are in there somewhere) is pretty good IF it all sounds like her newest single.

Okay seriously, it's gone too far. Someone take out Mike Shinoda. Now. Please.

I really want the old Fine Young Cannibals album "The Raw And The Cooked." Come on! "She Drives Me Crazy." Ex members of The English Beat, yes sir!

I've said this before but most, if not all, pop-punks/Hot Topic kids/ect. need to listen to the song "The Greatest Working Class Rip-Off" by Crass. All unintelligent crust/anarcho/blah blah blah I'm sooooooooo counter-culture punks need to listen to the song "Chaos Ain't Me" by Orchid.

So the term "emo" has been thrown around quite a bit lately, hasn't it? Well I've decided that something needs to happen. It's too much of an umbrella term, so I think a few groups of bands just need to come up with different genre titles in order to straighten things out. There's too many bands that can be or are unintelligently lumped into that title, past and present:
-post-"Salad Days"/"Revolution Summer" Dischord Bands (Hoover, Nation Of Ulysses, Rites Of Spring, ect)
-mid 1980s/early 90s hardcore-y indie sounding punk bands (Moss Icon, Native Nod, Ordination Of Aaron, ect)
-1993-1995 bands, you know the ones that played the basement of the Cupertino, CA library (Indian Summer, Mohinder, ect.)
-early Gravity Records bands, lot of overlap with the Cupertino bands (Angel Hair, Antioch Arrow, Clikatat Ikatowi, Heroin, ect)
-"emo-violence" stuff (Jeromes Dream, Orchid, Usurp Synapse, ect)
-Level Plane Records stuff (A Day's Refrain, Neil Perry, Saetia, ect)
-solid older bands that don't really fit into any of the above (Policy Of 3, Still Life, Swing Kids, ect)
-new whiny stuff on the radio (Angles And Airwaves, Bright Eyes, Dashboard Confessional, ect)
-"I'm trying to be sooooo fucking brooding and scary" shit (A.F.I., My Chemical Romance, ect)
-stuff people with the worst musical tastes on the planet listen to (Atreyu, Coheed And Cambria, Taking Back Sunday, ect)
I don't really have an answer to untangle these groups/bands from this label of "emo" so things would be more easily understood. Although I would be quite happy and content if the last three groups of bands would just be called "crap-rock."

Speaking of "emo," does anyone else see the parallel between pop-punk today being taken over by this sort of "mainstreamo" and hardcore (pre/during Minor Threat) being somewhat taken over by "emo" and "post-hardcore?" Is that just me?

Did ANYONE realize that Nelly Furtado was THAT hot before her newest video ("Promiscuous")?

I've decided that The VSS is what heavy metal for vampires in the very far off future will sound like.

Let me preface this by saying that I have nothing against this band, they're pretty good, but The Hives are The Backstreet Boys of rock and roll. If you didn't know that, there's a problem. There's one guy behind them, he writes all the songs and got the guys together. I'd love to meet this guy! He's gotta be one the most fightingest, drinkingest, rocknrollingest guy around!

While flipping around channels I landed on MTV. I saw a video by a band that I would call, as I defined above, "crap-rock." Then I was pretty sure the singer was one of the kids from Hanson, you know, "Mmmbop." But it wasn't. It was just some half-assed band called The Red Jumpsuit Appartas. Yeah, great name fellas. Anyway, stay away from this band but do see the video and think Hanson when looking at the singer, it's great entertainment!

Until next time.

The music jerk is free!

Sorry about the lack of posts, The Man was trying to throw your music jerk in jail. Eek!

So yesterday was Prince's birthday. He turned 48. 48?!?! How is this guy 48?! Honestly, he looks like a 28 year old weasel/human hybred. But in the end he made Purple Rain. Purple Rain.

So for some odd reason last night I remembered this old show on VH1, I believe it was called The List. They would have four guests, give them a topic and name the top three things in that given topic. I remembered this one episode where the topic was the three songs you'd send out into space in order to try and explain rock and roll. It was pretty interesting. So yeah, here's my three:
1) "Johnny B. Goode" by Chuck Berry - This song IS rock and roll plain and simple. It's a rock song about rock and roll played by the TRUE king of rock and roll, Chuck Berry. Don't give me that Elvis horseshit. Chuck Berry, son. This song effectively shows everything rock and roll is and ever could be.
2) "Ziggy Stardust" by David Bowie - first off, Bowie is a God-damned genius; I wish a plague on anyone who doesn't see it that way. This song is excatly like "Johnny B. Goode," it's a wonderous rock song about rock and roll. It's like Bowie just remade the song and updated it for the 70s. Just like Berry's song it tells a great story.
3) "When Doves Cry" by Prince and The Revolution - Okay, so this one is definately one of those "what the hell is this jerk thinking" picks. But in the end, it's one of those songs that happen to show many things about rock. It shows how you can show your feelings through the medium rather than just tell a story like the two previous songs. It proves that you can move away from a traditional rock sound yet still be undeniably rock and roll.

All these songs are wonderfully catchy and everyone should sing along when they pop up on the radio. The define what rock is, without a doubt.
Got a good pick? Let me know.

I'm going to see the white boy funk stylings of !!! this Friday. I'm sure I'll have something to say about that...
And I'll be talking a bit about Depeche Mode and dumb kindergarden answers to music questions in the next installment.